Here's A Satisfying Video Of A Guy Trying To Skip Traffic By Driving Down The Breakdown Lane

Nothing fancy here. Just a little karma porn for those of you who abide by the laws of society. Admittedly, when I read the “instant karma” headline, I hoped for a much worse outcome for this guy. It still felt good when the cop caught him immediately, but it would have felt GREAT if, as he was cruising down the breakdown lane, a bolt of lightning had struck a tree, knocking it onto the hood of his car and crushing him underneath. And as he’s lying with shards of the metal roof gouging into his abdomen, a moose emerges from the woods, mounts the car, and teabags his bloody forehead until his heart stops. THAT would have been justice.

You can’t drive down the breakdown lane unless you’re rushing someone to the hospital. We live in a society. I’m not saying I’m the guy who will put my car halfway-in the breakdown lane as an obstacle. I’m not Batman! But when you’re stuck in traffic, miserably abiding by the law, and you see someone do this, it makes me want to put a bomb under their car like I’m in the Irish Republican Army.

Having said that, all morals go out the window when you’re in a cab coming back from the airport. When you’re being driven by a cab driver, you want him to be the biggest asshole on the planet. Because that means he’s getting you home faster. I want him running over animals and wayward gypsy children along the shoulder, making the bodies pop off the windshield like we’re driving through a pack of zombies. In New York, there are a couple times on the way home from JFK and La Guardia where you have to get off the highway, and the exit ramp is backed up hundreds of yards along the highway. I base my tip on how much of the line the guy can bite off. If he manages to merge in, skipping over 80% of the line, he’s getting a 20% tip no problem.