Ezekiel Elliott Allegedly Knocked Out A DJ At A Dallas Bar Last Night
Gotta say this news completely caught me off guard. Never in a million years did I think someone like Zeke Elliott could get in trouble for being violent. Nosiree. Number 21 on the Cowboys is a saint in my book. #NotMyZeke! Nobody in the Cowboys organization would stand for something like this. From Jerruh, to his son, to the Cowboys receptionist, to Ed Werder sleeping outside waiting to break a story.
What’s that? Oh that long-running investigation going back to college about him hitting his girlfriend that never ended up going away.
Or the time he popped that girl’s titty out, which was still while he was being investigated?
Pay no mind to all that stuff. Lets just watch some highlights of Zeke scoring touchdowns and running fools over (football playing fools of course, not just regular ol’ people that are DJs).
Schefty was NOT pleased
So yeah, this was not the ideal start to a Monday for Ezekiel Elliott’s lawyers. They were probably hoping the NFL would continue to drag their feet on the domestic abuse allegations until Zeke was getting his gold jacket in Canton as long as TMZ didn’t acquire any videos of Zeke actually hitting someone. Then the NFL would act swiftly. Because that’s how they seem to do investigations. All Zeke had to do was keep his nose clean and he’d probably be fine. Instead he has to hope that no Cowboys fan releases an HD video of him going Mike Tyson on a DJ.
And before you say Cowboys fans aren’t that stupid, let me present this tweet.
Or we could wait until the DJ comes forward and presses charges. But I’m pretty sure you would have to go Steve Bartman and vanish from the Earth if you pressed charges against the Cowboys stud running back that already has some strikes against him in the Goodell Era less than 2 months before the season kicks off while living in Dallas. If anything, you should hope that any video of this punch goes the way of the Dez Wal-Mart tapes and become urban myths like Sasquatch and the Lochness Monster (but Lizardman is real. Don’t forget that).
Can’t wait to hear Cowboys fans excuses when the guy on the left improves to 3-0 in his career against Dallas if Zeke has to watch from the NFL’s proverbial paddy wagon.
But in all seriousness guys, lets just take a moment and thank God that Zeke didn’t do anything REALLY bad that would have gotten the media’s attention. Like missing volunteer workouts or going on a party boat in Miami the week of a playoff game. The first thing they tell you at the NFL Rookie Symposium is that it’s better to punch a dude in the face than a punch a wall in the HALLOWED HALLS OF LAMBEAU FIELD (said in Chris Berman voice).
Oh yeah and I hope Zeke took Cris Carter’s advice just in case that DJ presses charges.
P.S. Cowboys fans have to have the highest amount of people that are DJs or were DJs at one point of their life, right? Like I think 85% of America’s DJs are Cowboys fans, minimum. The most punchable fanbase and the most punchable profession on the planet.