Panda Update: Mei Xiang Only Cares About 1 Of Her Cubs

DCist- Zookeepers are having a hard time getting Mei Xiang to switch cubs, with her favoring the larger one and refusing to set it down. After a “challenging night” on Sunday, Mei hasn’t set the larger cub down to pick up the smaller one since 2 p.m. yesterday. The panda team has been intensely monitoring the little cub, hand-rearing it, and keeping it warm in an incubator. They are continuing to try to swap the cubs every few hours. At birth, Butterstick I weighed 138 grams, and Butterstick II weighed only 83 grams. While the little cub’s behaviors are generally good—it is urinating and defecting well, and it hasn’t shown signs of respiratory distress— the Zoo is concerned about its fluctuating weight and possible aspiration. To that end, they are both tube- and bottle-feeding the cub and administering fluids under the skin. As for the larger cub, zookeepers say they are “confident Mei Xiang is taking very good care of it.” Nonetheless, the risk remains high for both cubs during this period. Tiny, fragile creatures at birth, panda bear cubs are the smallest in proportion to their mother of any placental mammal, the Zoo said. A panda mom is usually 700 times larger than her cub. With Mei Xiang at 238 pounds, the ratio between Mei and the larger cub is 1:783 and Mei and the smaller cub is 1:1,256.

Pandas are the laziest assholes in the world. They are so endangered partly because all they want to do is sit around and eat bamboo all day, they can’t even be bothered to fuck. If Pandas had delivery and Netflix they’d basically be everything you and I aspire to be. The lady pandas are such lazy bitches that they fake being pregnant so they are given extra food and even less responsibility. Pandas are truly the American dream. So then zookeepers finally shoot enough cum into a panda to get her pregnant, and she ends up having twins, but tries to immediately throw one into a dumpster. Ain’t nobody have time for 2 kids, human or panda alike. Mei Xiang wants to watch her stories, not some dipshit who is only there because he injected into her in the middle of the night. So much respect for Mei Xiang’s laziness.

PS: Bao Bao turned 2 this weekend. Do you think she knows she has siblings now? Probably does not give a fuck. Pandas look out for number 1 and suck off the teet of the taxpayer so much that I think Bao Bao is a year away from burning down a CVS.

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She is cute as fuck though.