Smoke Who Loves Gambling And Doesn't Believe In Doctors Celebrated Her 105th Birthday

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God damn! Happy 105th to Theresa Johnson indeed! Sure she doesn’t drink or smoke, but she makes up for it through gambling and her hatred of doctors and medicine. She won’t take a Tylenol if she falls and breaks her hip, but she’ll bet the over in a Europe League basketball game and feel fresh as a daisy. What people don’t realize is the daisy was discovered in 1884, which was just 5 years after Theresa was born, and 10 after the steam powered vibrator that she still uses to this day.

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I am just a little miffed I was in DC all weekend and didn’t get the invite to her birthday party. She looks single and ready to mingle, do you think she’s on Bumble? HMU T (that’s what I call her for short, T, it’s our little thing, you wouldn’t understand). Here’s to 105 more.