Kentucky Has A New Hickey King! Let's Check Them Bad Boys Out

A Kentucky teenager arrested this week appears to have set a new U.S. record for hickeys.

Micah Musser, 18, was arrested yesterday morning after Louisville police discovered him and several juvenile runaways inside an abandoned building. Musser and the minors were found laying on the floor, which was strewn with “empty alcoholic beverage containers,” according to a court citation.

Musser told cops that he and the minors had consumed the alcohol after gaining entry to the boarded-up property the prior evening.

Man, being a runaway sounds so bad ass. Our pal Micah is just living the dream. Dude is probably ripping mad cigarettes and getting his neck sucked on so hard that his dick follows suit. Incredible stuff. Incredible haircut. Goodness!

I have a question, though. When do you turn from a runaway to a regular old homeless person? Seems like 18, right? I don’t think that Micah is a runaway. I think he’s homeless which makes him being the undisputed hickey king even more impressive. Terminology matters. If I was a homeless dude, I would call myself a runaway.

“Hey Chaps. You homeless, bro? Seen you on this corner every day for a year. Still handsome. Dont get me wrong.”

“Me? You talkin to me? Nah, bro. I’m not homeless; I’m a runaway. Just livin life because my parents are a fucking drag. Thanks for the compliment, though. It’s been a long year on these streets.”

Being a runaway notwithstanding, I think I might try getting back in the hickey game. It’s been too long. I need that neck succing action to really get the blood flowing. Just go to town on that bad boy. Leave me looking like a cheetah because if you think a cheetah is the fastest animal in the kingdom, start suckin on my neck and see how quickly I slap this button.