My Dream Of Meeting Miles Teller Has Been Shattered, And I Am Now Left Picking Up The Pieces
I'm a big Miles Teller guy. I've written about it before, but Miles Teller could exclusively be shitty movies for the rest of his life, and I'd still champion the guy because he was in "Whiplash." If it's not my favorite movie of all time, it's second or third. I think it's one of the greatest things humans have ever made, and we haven't seen a movie match it's quality since that film was released. I love it so much. The guy is a total movie star. To this generation, he'll be known as Rooster from "Top Gun: Maverick." He has a pretty good track record of choosing good projects. We can ignore the "Fant4stic" reboot that he was a part of. That thing was a cluster fuck, to begin with. Still, he's probably been in two of my favorite movies ever, so I was excited when I found out he was going to be at Crunchy's, which, for my money, may very well be the best bar/restaurant in mid-Michigan to promote his new drink. I had my producer in toe, and we were going to get some content of me meeting Miles Teller. It was going to be a gas.
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I had it all planned out. I was going to lead off with a joke. I was going to be like "Miles Teller? Is your middle name 'fortune' or something?" And he would go and laugh really hard, and we'd immediately hit it off. I know he's a giant Phillies fan, so I'd ask him if Chase Utley belongs in the Hall of Fame. On the way out, I was going to pretend to drop my phone with my Twitter open and show the amazing following that I have, which surely would've impressed him. This could've been a life-changing experience, but alas, there will be no such victory for Chris Castellani.
For people who don't know, Crunchy's is an awesome establishment, but it's a little bit small. Miles Teller was going to be arriving at 3:30 Eastern. I thought getting there before 1:30 would be plenty of time. I didn't know that Crunchy's was an uppity establishment that took reservations and had a waiting list. Still, when I arrived, I was greeted at the door with a heartbreaking sign that said "All full for miles," which could've been taken both literally and figuratively. At that point, I consoled the crying woman next to me, who was dressed like she was about to go to a fancy dinner party.
We don't get many high-fluting, big-city folk out here in Lansing. I met Anthony Anderson at game two of the Eastern Conference finals at the Palace of Auburn Hills in 2007, and that remains my number one celebrity story. I was told that I met Theo Vaughn in Baton Rouge in October 2022, but I don't remember it. It's really too bad. I guarantee you we would've shared a bro moment. As I left, I would've said, "Start practicing harder, Neiman," and as the next person came up for a photo, Miles would've thought to himself, "Damn, that guy was pretty cool and totally not weird." They say don't meet your heroes, but today, my heart is broken.