Marquez Valdes-Scantling Thinking Playing In Germany Sucks, But At Least He's Pumped That He Can Keep His Normal Pooping Routine

[Source] - "Charmin's getting me right for my trip over to Germany," Valdes-Scantling said. "Just keeping my routine the same with their Ultra Soft Smooth Tear toilet paper. Going over to a different part of the world that you've never seen before, you just never know what to expect. Being able to have Charmin bless me with that and keeping my routine the same, I'm grateful that we've partnered up and I'm excited about that."

I know this is a sponsorship deal, but this is more important than that. This is arguably the most important information one can have when trying to figure out the Chiefs/Dolphins game in Germany this weekend. It's obviously something guys aren't used to, traveling to play in a different country, the time zone all that. But keeping your poop routine? This is setting up for at least one MVS touchdown. 

This is a legit fear too. I just got back from a few days in Ireland last week and going over there I had no idea what to expect. I mean I was going to be eating a lot of fish and chips, potatoes and beef. That's just the Irish diet along with plenty of beer. Like any red-blooded American male that was expected to lead to some form of bubble guts in the morning. Needed my routine to be the same as home as much as possible. Luckily they had normal TP and it made a world of difference. I'm not an NFL player, but clearly you can't be going around a game with itchy butthole because you didn't get a clean wipe. That's why MVS is making a whole lot of sense here. 

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Now as to playing in Germany? Yeah it does suck. Well, not for us. We at least get to watch some morning football over here. But it makes no sense that the NFL keeps trying to play games in Europe. Just play where the teams play. Seems simple. There's reports all the time now about moving a Super Bowl to England. Fuck that. It's the dumbest idea in the world. Well, the only thing dumber is how people talk about moving a team (Jags) to England. It won't work. Common sense says it won't work with the travel and everything that comes along with it. 

We may have found the secret weapon though. If MVS goes for 100 and a touchdown it's all about having a clean ass.