Picking Your Nose Is One Of Life's Sweetest Yet Simplest Pleasures
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***PRE-SCRIPT NOTE***
If you try to say you don't pick your nose, you're lying to me and everyone else around you. Everyone does it and everyone does it daily. Nobody doesn't pick their nose. Not the homeless guy that lives in the alley behind my house, not Margot Robbie. I do it, you do it, the Queen of England did it, everybody does it. Don't shit talk nose picking. It's awesome.
It's not often you'll hear me give Eddie credit for anything, but he dropped one of the greatest idioms I've ever heard this week on our Simple Pleasures Draft (which you can view above):
A bases clearing booger
He dropped it so nonchalantly that I thought it was already some well-established phrase and I had just never heard it. It fits so, so perfectly that I feel like I don't even need to talk about how awesome of a phrase that it is. You all will get it.
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But the act of picking/blowing a bases clearing booger? That feeling is almost completely unmatched. Just think about it:
It's spring time. Your allergies are going crazy, your head feels like it's in a vice grip, your eyes feel like a cat is clawing at them and there is z.e.r.o. airflow from your nose to your brain. Awful feeling right???
That's when you take your pinky nail that you let grow solely for the purpose of booger picking and totally not anything else, you clamp the enemy combatant between said nail and your finger, you pull it out of your nose, and POOF!!!! You have air rushing to quench your brain's thirst like a collapsed dam.
The 2 seconds of that brisk, cool air rushing through your nasal cavity and into your head, my friends, is one of life's greatest simple pleasures.
Truthfully, I've never had such a hard time picking someone to vote off in a snake draft. Each and every pick was great. If I had to nitpick any, it was Cons' CFB Saturday selection since "simple" and watching sports don't always go hand in hand, but I digress. There were a lot of simple pleasures on this panel.
Proud of the malcontents that I work with. They're typically complete doofuses, but this week they did a pretty darn good job. On that note, watch this week's snake draft and subscribe to Barstool Chicago on YouTube: