Kim Jong-un Was Forced to Leave Childhood In Switzerland When Spies Caught Him With Freaky Porn

Big, bad Kim Jong-un — the man who is supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the world — couldn't even make it through high school in Switzerland without getting called back to North Korea for liking some freaky porn and being a shitty student.

Apparently he and his siblings were sent to live in Europe under aliases as children to have some sort of normal childhood, but that ended when Kim Jong-il found out about his son's affinity for BDSM porn magazines.

Daily Star — The embarrassing incident involved favourite son Kim Jong-un being caught with an S&M mag stuffed in his schoolbag.

Teachers searched him for cheat sheets after growing suspicious that Kim was trying to dishonestly fix his “mediocre” exam results.

But they found the German sex magazine folded inside a textbook – leading to a sternly-written note in his personal school file.

Kim Jong-il’s secret police soon found out about the reprimand – and the children were rushed back to North Korea within months.

Imagine being one of those siblings. You know you're never going to be the leader or anything — and your life will be spent trying not to piss off your batshit insane brother so he won't kill you — and all you want is a few nice years in Switzerland to ski and do whatever else the Swiss youths were doing back then. And then you get whisked back to the worst country on Earth because your brother gets caught at school with porn.

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You can take one look at Kim Jong-un and tell this is never what he really wanted. He's supposed to be the most feared leader in the world and all he ever really wanted to do was watch the NBA and have a couple weird porno mags by his side. Maybe we all could have been spared some grief if he just stayed in Switzerland with his weird porn collection forever.