The Rules Of North Korean Basketball Are Absolute Chaos

(Herald Sun) - The full list of rules includes: 

Slam dunks are worth three points (up from two)

Field goals in the final three minutes of the game are worth eight points (up from two)

Three-pointers are worth four if the ball doesn't touch the rim

A point is deducted for missed free throws.

Chaos. Absolute chaos. Beautiful chaos, but chaos nevertheless. These rules are from a seven year old Australian article but it's apparently going reviral on Reddit right now according to the dozen people who have sent me the screenshots on Twitter over the past few days. And with good reason, these rules deserve attention and a proper conversation. We've had basketball longer than anyone and haven't even thought of some of these innovations. It's like we're in the stone age and other people in various corners of the world having flying cars. Not only do they have flying cars but they've had them for nearly a decade and we're only just now finding out about them. It's embarrassing. But let's not dwell on that fact. Let's see what they've got cooking overseas and decide what makes sense to adopt and bring over to the National Basketball Association. 

Slam Dunks Are Worth Three Points

Love it. Dunking is objectively the coolest thing you can do in sports. Two points for such a death defying athletic feat has always felt inadequate. Anyone can hit an open jump shot, that's not impressive. Dunking? That's a skill reserved for only the most elite athletes, especially in game with defenders all around. Please don't take this out of context: I side with North Korea on this one. 

Field Goals In The Final Three Minutes Are Worth Eight Points

Up 24? Well three stops and three layups and suddenly you're fucking tied. Sucks to suck, suckbag. This is the chaos I was talking about earlier. You'd never feel comfortable betting an under ever again. What's the value of free throws during these final three minutes? Do you take eight goddamn free throws for a common foul? That cannot be a thing we allow on this or any other planet. A game-tying eight pointer is the epitome of outrageous and I wont stand for it. 

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Threes Are Worth Four If They Don't Touch The Rim

Alright now we're back to ideas I can get down with. I'd also like to add on to this rule and say if you don't clearly yell "BANK" before the ball ricochets off the backboard it only counts as two points. So you launch a three it can be worth as little as two or as much as four. The NBA has been trying for at least a decade to figure out a way to get the four point shot involved and I think I just figured it out. It's not about moving it back to half court, no one wants to watch that, no one should waste time practicing that. It's about the pureness of the three. The silky raindrops of a nothing but net trey ball. Steph would average like 39 without changing his game at all. I'm all in.

A Point Is Deducted For A Missed Free Throw

Call this the Tom Izzo rule, because if I didn't know any better I'd say he flew to the Demilitarized Zone and shouted this rule from the border. Every high school coach in the country would love to implement these types of consequences to get his guys to try substantially harder at what should be the easiest points in the game. Imagine the NCAA Tournament with missed free throws taking points OFF the scoreboard? You'd see a 19-year old pee on the floor like an untrained pup. If I could only pick one rule to bring over this would be it. Late game strategy would change, free throw percentages across all levels would rise, the last two minutes of any game would somehow become that much more intense.