RIP Skinemax Softcore Porn: 1984-2013

Screencrush – Cinemax After Dark – or Skinemax, as it’s more widely known – is a block of “adult programming” broadcast on Cinemax after midnight. Starting in 1984, the programming block became a staple of teenagers in the late-80s/early-90s, who grew up on sneaking downstairs while their parents were sleeping to catch some skin (not that we know from experience…). Well, the good times are about to come to a close as Cinemax looks to rebrand, leaving Skinemax in the dust. Variety reports that HBO, who owns Cinemax, is planning a new strategy for the cable channel, one that would leave the likes of ‘Co-Ed Confidential’ and ‘The Hills Have Thighs’ high and dry. Despite making a name for itself with its bawdy content, Cinemax wants no more of that. Says HBO president of programming Michael Lombardo, “The hope is that I don’t hear ‘Skinemax’ any time after our original programming — what I’ll call the primetime originals — start to really take over.” With the advent of the internet, no one really needs to wait until midnight to watch softcore porn on Cinemax and with VOD, less people are watching movies on cable. So HBO is repositioning Cinemax as a home to new original series like ‘Banshee’ and ‘Strike Back’ (both, it should be noted, offer their fair share of nudity). And in 2014, the channel is launching ‘The Knick’ from director Steven Soderbergh and star Clive Owen.

Well, a piece of every boner from the past 20 years just passed away. Every guy from age like 25 to 40 has a special place in their hearts, and ballsacks, for Skinemax. Just like my Ode To Girls Gone Wild, tonight I’ll crack stick one extra time to some soft core porn as I pay respects to one of the pioneers of the porn game.

Now I never had premium channels growing up as a kid. Does that mean I didn’t jerk off to Skinemax? For sure not. It just means this is what Skinemax looked like to me:

Scrambled porn, FTW! Kids these days are so goddam spoiled. Full length 55 minute videos and shit for free. Pretty soon a chick is just gonna pop out of your computer screen like The Ring and start sucking your dick. But back in the day this was the kind of stuff we had to work with. Scrambled porn where you were just hoping to catch a nipple here and there.

But there was always that one kid who had all the movie channels and you’d get to fire up some late night Skinemax when you stayed over his house. You’d get to see that soft core porn crystal clear. Didn’t even matter that the simulation sex was weird as fuck. Chicks were basically riding dudes stomachs and passing it off as sex. Tons of plot, no penetration, but nonetheless it was fantastic. It was either that or watch the weird old naked old people on Real Sex on HBO. I’ll take the fake tits and fake sex on Cinemax over that every day of the week and 3 to 4 times on Sundays depending on how much my dick can take.

So, thank you, Skinemax. You were a trailblazer of the porn game and paved the way for guys having creampies right on the front page of their most visited sites internet tab.