Rob Parker Would Like to Know Why No One Ever Talks About Bill Belichick Cheating

“For whatever reason, Bill Belichick’s full story is never given. When they talk about – when Michael Vick came back, right? After the dog fighting? Every time they mentioned his name, ‘Well, you know he was involved in the dog fighting scandal and went to jail!’ Every time! And anytime somebody did something they’d mention it every time.

They NEVER mention that Bill Belichick cheated, got caught and had a $500,000 fine; the largest of any coach in the history of the NFL. And there’s all kinds of stuff swirling around! Bill Belichick can never-ever-EVER be the greatest coach. There’s a CLOUD there because of the way the Patriots do their business. How can you celebrate what the Patriots have done when they’re attached to SCANDAL? We’re celebrating what the Patriots have done when they’re attached to nothing but scandal and Belichick leads the way. Why aren’t we telling his full story? Someone is going to write a book and expose the New England Patriots. All I hear is Barry Bonds is a cheater, why isn’t Belichick a cheater?”

– Rob Parker

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just hold on a second. Bill Belichick got caught cheating? He got fined $500,000? The Patriots are attached to SCANDAL? When did this happen? How long exactly have they been covering this up? Because I’ve heard nothing about it until Sherlock Parker here uncovered this caper.

What an outrage. It’s like some kind of huge conspiracy to cover this up. And only know is it seeing the light of day. And we have this brilliant sleuth to thank for it. It’s a wonder that Rob Parker himself hasn’t mentioned it until now. But I’m not going to criticize the whistleblower here because he’s the only one with the guts to expose this thing to the light of day.

I guess my next question is what exactly they did to cheat that no one is willing to talk about. Did they point cameras at another team’s signals? Tape a walk through before some Super Bowl? Mess with the scoreboard so an opponent didn’t know what down it was at the end of a playoff game? Jam someone’s helmet speaker with the signal of the team’s radio broadcast? Put an electronic billboard outside the stadium that can only be seen from the home sideline? Use trick formations in a playoff game? Take air out of footballs? What? Tell us, please. I’m all ears.

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Then we have to figure out why the media, the league and fans around the country have remained all omerta on this. Where is ESPN? Chris Mortensen? Mark Brunell? Roger Goodell, for that matter? This calls for an immediate investigation. To call in an independent counsel to do a multi-million dollar study into what’s been going on. Maybe a Ted Wells, say. Because I for one and sick and tired of not hearing about all the times the Patriots have been caught cheating.