Jared And Kevin Would Have Liked It If I Had Sex At Younger Age: Sorry, My Dick Is Precious And I'll Never Apologize For That

What a way to come back from the Thanksgiving break. I’m sitting here grinding in the rumor mill that is the NFL and next thing I know, I get an alert from Deke that the Rocket and the Colonel are clamoring for me to fuck more but in a fucking time machine. I was lucky to get a little FK in those days. (french kissin) Now, I tongue kiss all the damn time. Love it! Let’s call a spade a spade too. I didnt struggle because of my looks. I was hot in high school.

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Look fellas, I cant do anything about being an old ass virgin. Did I enjoy being a virgin until my 20s? No. Was it worth it? No. Do I get any points in heaven? Well,,,, it’s hard to say. Do I “regret” my tramp stamp? Yes. Do I “regret” the Ronald McDonald tattoo on my ribs? Depends. Honestly, the artwork is lovely and it’s rather shocking that the ink has stood the test of time for over a decade. In that way, I’m proud of it but it makes my swimming time rather uncomfortable when I’m around new friends.

“Chaps! Chaps! Thanks for inviting us to the pool, dude! Love the tattoos! Two questions: 1. What tribe are you in? 2. Should I cum on your back?”

Boy, if I had a nickel.

I guess I’m really writing this blog to say that it’s unfair that Kevin and Jared want me to have had sex earlier. I just couldn’t do it. It wasnt in the Lord’s plan and now he blesses me with an abundance of booty. I am proud to admit that I have had sex with my wife over one thousand times. Many of those times have rated from fine to decent. Not my words. Hers. Bragging is a sin but I’ll take that mark.