Is A Boof A Fart, Anal Sex, Or Consuming Booze Up Your Ass? An Uncle Chaps Exclusive Investigation

Lots of talk about boofing today. Naturally, the national media is pounding on my door (not my backdoor, folks) about the meaning. Rumors are out there that it means fart. I’m not so sure.

In my days here at Barstool Sports, I have used many words to describe gas. In fact, when I had a colon procedure a few weeks ago, I introduced you to a new fart phrase. Think back. Do you remember when I let a little wind out? You do. I know you do.

Anyway, what do I think boof is in this context? I’m not sure. I dont think it’s fart though. Why would you ask your pal if he’s farted yet? You already know he’s let the wind out; you just cant say anything because of the old adage that goes something to the effect of “he whomst smelt it, dealt it.” No point in asking that. You dont know, however, if he’s pounded those anal guts. “Have you had anal sex yet?” is a much more common question amongst friends. In fact, I asked my neighbor Steven that just the other day. Very conservative couple. They like to keep their bedroom stuff private. I respect that so I don’t ask him all the time. I’m a good neighbor that way.

I’m also certain that Kavanaugh isn’t referring to the ph balance of a woman’s vagina. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. You’d have to have a really funky coochie to raise concerns about the ph balance. I could tell you a story about an old lady I knew when I lived in Okinawa, Japan but I wont. Let’s just say it involves bananas, quarters, and one 75-year-old Okinawan vagina. Not good. Ph has never been less balanced. That was obvious to everyone in the room. Fish. Dead fish.

Consuming booze through the anus? Hmmm. It’s possible. I dont mean to bring up the vagina again but I know people used to soak their tampons in vodka and shove them things to the moon. Could you butt funnel? Surely. The anus absorbs chemicals extremely quickly. That’s why suppository medicine works so well. It gets into your bloodstream faster. That’s true if you are talkin Motrin or malt liquor.

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I could see your friends asking you if you’ve buttchugged or boofed some bourbon. In this case, I think that’s what happened. Everybody was boofing like no tomorrow and one pussy ass kid wouldnt do it. Kavanaugh gave him a little ribbing in the ole yearbook about it and that was that. On the other hand, if he was ribbing the kid it would have been in the calendar and I didnt see that in there. Tough call.

That leads us to the obvious question, can you vape with your ass? Is their a vape boof? I guess we’ll have to wait for the next Supreme Court nomination to find out but if someone was blowing mad clouds with their ass, I don’t think they are fit for the highest court in the land.

I’m glad we got to the bottom of this. Have a good night, everybody.