Friday Random Thoughts
1. One week until the March Madness Party at the Place. One week!!!! I expect to see tons of stoolies drinking heavily and betting heavily. And if you need a place to bet please sign up with vipsports.com/barstool or thegreek.com and use the code “bar”. And yes, I heard the news that a new gambling drug is on the market to curb compulsive gambling. I passed.
2. Barstool Sports superstar Jaime Chisholm is at the ACC tournament and will be reporting live all week from Barstool Sports. He is posting multiple updates on the website all week long. I freaking love it. I can just picture Jaime now sitting next to Michael Wilbon and Bob Ryan frantically typing away to meet his deadline all while wearing an ugly shirt. I wish we had a web cam.
3. Have people noticed those little blue evacuation signs that are hanging throughout the streets of Boston? Are these for a potential terrorist attack or something? I hope this isn’t Menino’s elaborate emergency plan. There is no doubt in my mind that if you follow these signs for an hour straight you’ll just end up stuck in traffic in China Town. There is a small part of me that wants an emergency to occur just to see what happens as people follow these little blue signs that are randomly planted throughout the city and all point to nowhere in particular.
4. Here is an MIAA hockey random thought for all you puck heads out there. Last night at the St. John’s Prep game a student threw a fish on the ice during a stoppage in play. They eventually figured out which kid did it, escorted him from the stands, and promptly handcuffed him until his father arrived to take him home. Is it just me or is handcuffing the kid a little extreme? He threw a fish on the ice at a hockey game. I mean, come on now. That's not exactly grand larceny. The way we’re going in this country pretty soon Canada is not only going to be able to beat us in baseball but they’re going to be able to invade us because all our kids are going to be trained to be whusses.
5. The good news is that if Canada attacks us than we can just attack the UK. And it sounds like I may be able to do it by myself. Just look at what a principle did at this school in the UK.
SKYNEWS - Snowball throwing at a school in Devon has been banned - unless the thrower has his target's permission. Head Andrew Lovett has told pupils they must get "prior consent" from the person they are lobbing the snowball at.Otherwise, he says it will be regarded as bullying.
6. Whenever I am finished with my paper route I feel like I come up with all sorts of really obscure random thoughts. And this one is no different. I think all Doctor’s who have “MD” on their license plate should get punched in the face. What’s the point of this besides bragging? In fact, the more I think about it the more I’m becoming convinced that there has to be some reason I don’t know about. Maybe if there is a major car accident in front of them while they're driving they can get everybody to relax by pointing to their license plate and explaining that they are a doctor.
7. Willie McGinest got released by the Pats today. In my opinion Willie McGinest is one of the most underrated players of his generation and a certain hall of famer. He is also one of my favorite players. And I do think he'll resign. But having said that even if he doesn’t you just have to respect Belichick’s decision. Everything Belichick does makes sense and has a reason behind it and that reason is winning. As a side note I can understand why reporters hate covering the Pats. They are just so boring. All they do is win and the fans trust everything they do. It’s not the type of team that sells papers like the Red Sox.
8. Gerry McNamara had a HUGE game against UConn yesterday which basically assures the Orangeman a spot in the dance. And I’m glad their getting in because I think Syracuse is one of those teams that you need to have in the tournament. But let’s clear one thing up for all you Gerry McNamara fans out there and for Jim Boeheim. The guy is over rated, plain and simple. I’m not saying he sucks but he isn’t a great player by any stretch of the imagination. I know Syracuse fans love rooting for the scrappy white Irish guy, but he simply isn’t as good as people always make him out to be. Yes, he’ll get real hot and will hit some big shots, but he is basically a better version of Travis Ford. He can’t create his own shot and until you can do that you’re nothing better than a sharp shooter. As much as I hate JJ Redick, these two guys are night and day.
9. The Gateway Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team whose slogan is “making summer memories” has teamed up with Krispy Kreme donuts to serve the following dish at baseball games. “A thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.”
Hmm, what type of Summer Memories are we talking about? This is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life. Anybody who would order this deserves to be forced to take a dump in a porta potty.
10. STUFF magazine is giving away a copy of the boxing video game Fight Night Round 3for Xbox 360. All you have to do to win is submit a great story about a time you got caught having sex. I’m pretty sure these people have it locked up. (Borderline safe for work)
11. Sticking with sex, the Boston Herald ran a story yesterday about how girls get drunk and have sex on Spring Break. I found this hard to believe until I read what“Jessica Low, a 22-year-old law student at Northeastern 
University has to say about it.
Low “works during spring break. But some of her friends treat it as a week-long party: “There’s no mom, no dad, no boundaries. There’s lots of young people and that herd mentality sets in, like ‘Let’s party.’ ”
Hmm, I love Jessica Low as much as the next guy, but couldn’t have the Herald found a better source than this Spring Chick diva?
12. Is it time to start watching the Celtics?
13. Taylor Hix freaking killed on American Idol this week. It’s back to a dead heat between him and Chris Daughtry. Daughtry clearly has the better voice but I think I’d rather pay to watch Hix.
14. Here is 24 guys’ recap of 24. It’s late because I haven’t had time to watch 24 yet and didn’t want to spoil it. But an emailer sneaky ruined the whole thing for me anyway so here it is.
24 Guy's 24 Recap
Edgar Stiles 1968-2006
Edgar A Stiles, age 38, intelligence analyst at the Los Angeles Branch of the Counter Terrorism Unit, died Monday night following a courageous 33 second battle with military grade Centox nerve gas that Russian terrorists are setting off on American soil. ("American soil" has replaced "dammit" as the "24" drinking game keyword. They say it in just about every scene. I'm sure the six farmers watching in Indiana get a big kick out of it)
Mr. Stiles was born in Glen Cove, NY, on Thanksgiving Day in 1968. He attended Jared Fogel Senior High School, where he was elected class president , running solely on a platform of extending lunch period from forty-five minutes to three hours. Despite flunking phys-ed all four years, Mr. Stiles graduated as class salutatorian in 1986, receiving a full scholarship to attend the NYU school of competitive eating, uh, I mean computer science.
He is predeceased by his mother, the late Mrs. Stiles, who euthanized herself the last time terrorists attempted to release a toxic agent on, you guessed it, American soil. ( The Stiles family could have lived in Palestine and not have been this affected by terrorism) Mr.Stiles never married and had no children. He leaves behind three loving nieces, four nephews, a large collection of pornography as well as a freezer full of Omaha Steaks. Funeral Services will take place at 10 AM, Wednesday at the KFC on the corner of Main and Elm. He will be laid to rest at the Evergreen Cemetery. Pall bearers will be asked to please sign a waiver. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to your local Krispy Kreme.
Last night's two hours of "24" were the best we have seen this year. The producers finally went away from the President and Mrs. Logan train wreck and focused on what we watch the show for, what I like to call the three C's: Catastrophe, Carnage and Chloe (also the name of my rotisserie baseball team.) I'll admit I laughed when Logan was confronted by the Russian Premiere about Martha's erratic behavior and he got out of it by blaming her PMS. Suvarov was like " say no more" . I think every guy in America knowingly nodded their head during that scene.
Tony finally wakes up and asks for Michele. Buchanan does the worst job of lying since the flight attendant on "Airplane", doing everything but biting his knuckle as he turned to walk away. Not buying any of this, Tony rips all of his tubes out ( I have no problem watching people get stabbed, shot or blown to bits, but I cringe whenever I see someone on TV yank out their IV) and goes over to the mirror. I'm not sure at this point whether Tony is upset about Michele or the fact he isn't going to be going to be awarded the tiara as the "Ultimate Swan". Anyway, it's good to have him back and I'm relieved to see his soul patch survived the car blast.
We were able to enjoy all aspects of Jack's personality last night, starting with him being combative with Chloe when she tries to explain what's going on with Henderson's computer. Suddenly Jack doesn't seem to understand anything about technology. When Chloe tells him there is an "active socket" at Henderson's house in Toluca Lake ( about twenty-five minutes from downtown LA, although Jack and Winston Wolf are able to get there in eight) and the "encryption key is interlaced" Jack seems clueless, brusquely yelling, " what the hell does that mean"?( An hour later he is able to take the PDA off a dead terrorist and bring up a schematic of CTU's hvac system in about two seconds, so maybe he was just having some fun at Chloe's expense). The scene of the night, and maybe the season to this point, however, had to be when an angry " I'm running out of time" Jack gave Miriam Henderson a sneak preview to his " Bauer's Secret to Thinner Thighs" video that will be premiering on FitTV this fall. I thought President Logan was in trouble with his wife, but that was minor compared to the wrath Henderson is going to face when this is all over. If I were him I would have said something like " I'll bet you wont shoot her in the head Jack". It might have been his only way out. I think the torture room at CTU is looking like a pretty good alternative to him at this point. In the end, we were able to see emotional Jack during his reunion with Kim Bauer. Although I really hate that they brought Kim back, I love that she is now going out with Ponyboy Curtis. ( I don't think Chase left Kim, I think Johnny stabbed him to death because he was drowning Ponyboy in a fountain.) I'm looking forward to when he tells Jack to "stay gold" and proceeds to have the crap kicked out of him.
The last few minutes were as riveting as any I can remember since the beginning of "24". ( "As if there wasn't enough suspension today", as TJ actually said last night when the wheel landed on Captains Choice. That and Alton coining Trinidad's new tourism marketing campaign slogan,"Tobago is Dope" were the highlights of an otherwise dull Gauntlet 2.) Starting with Kerry getting up to check the air-conditioning unit ( as a new employee she obviously didn't realize Rule #1 of CTU: unless your a traitor, never, ever leave your work station and go somewhere in the building alone), to Jack flashing ten fingers that Celine immediately realized meant the terrorist had a radio and was listening ( Buchanan, ala Curtis and "left flank", had no idea and waved back at the monitor, saying hello to Jack) , to watching the CTU employees smash themselves like birds up against the glass windows of the conference room as Jack yelled at them to go away. I'll admit, like Chloe, I got a little teary eyed as I saw Edgar, looking like he was staggering across the finish line at the annual CTU 5K road race, fall dead to the ground. "Shut up Edgar" .
Reader Email
Email #1
Prez,
We're less than 24 hours away from BC's inaugural ACC Tournament game. I can’t help but think about the possibility of BC going into Tobacco Road and beating Maryland, UNC and Duke in a 48 hour period. WOW
-Matt
It wouldn’t be that shocking. The ACC sucks although UNC is playing great right now. Let’s just hope the BC bus doesn’t run over any more people in NC this time.
Email #2
So I'm heading out to the WBC semis and
finals...obviously planned the trip to see the US meet the DR in the championship. Get home from work to see how the US is doing against Canada and find out that they hit Willis around so Buck Martinez decides to bring in another lefty, Al Leiter. I know Sabathia dropped out because he was unable to adequately prepare due to constant rain around his home...and obviously no area high schools or colleges would let him come throw in their gym...is Al Leiter the best the US could come up with? Seriously, who else was considered? John Tudor, Frank Viola, Jim Abbott, Freddie Prinze Jr.? Al Leiter sucks.
- Al Leiter's dad
I was too busy with my route to watch the WBC this week. But I almost passed out when I read this email. Al Leiter is on the US team? How is that possible? And was that really CC Sabathia’s excuse for why he couldn’t play? Too much rain? Tell me you don’t like my neck tie, but don’t tell me too much rain.
Email #3
How is it that Lavar Arrington spends $4.4 million to buy his way out of Metro D.C. and we haven't seen this linked up on the site all week?
http://www.easterns.com/easterns/video/Jingle%201_lg.wmv
If there is a Football God, and I pray He can hear me, you know he's getting signed by the Cowboys immediately.
Cassidy
Good point. Thanks for the reminder.
Email #4
Pres-
Barry Bonds is officially undefendable. I knew the guy used steroids, that much was obvious, but I had no idea the guy was like a 1960's military science experiment. He's like Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier, except with even more drugs. His career stats should only include his rookie season through 1998. 1999-Present day should not count. This would still merit him being in the HOF, but would leave out the steroid portion of his career. Thoughts?
D from Canton
I’m not as upset about him cheating as everybody else. I’m on the record as saying I have no problem with guys who used steroids. As a Red Sox fan I’d rather my guys cheat if it’s allowed and it was basically allowed for the past 20 years. I’m not into moral victories. I don’t want a bunch of skinny weak dudes getting whooped on by all the other teams that use roids. Now that MLB has gotten stricter I wouldn’t want my guys using it because it’s no longer accepted. I hate Barry Bonds but I really think he is taking the rap for the entire league here.
Email #5
Yo El,
Two things for you to chew on (hopefully both will be more juicy than your Salisbury steak at Burton's). First, I knew one of the gay guys that got booted from the amazing race. He lived in the apartment below a girlfriend of mine in Dorchester, and I was just out with him about a month ago (no, I wasn't out with him on a gay date, and no, I'm not a picklesniffer... not that there's anything wrong with that). We had a mutual friend that was celebrating a 30th birthday, and were out with a group. Anyways, this guy's name is John, and he's probably the single funniest motherfucker I've ever met. He was deathly afraid of flying, and I give him major props for going on the race. Unfortunately, I didn't see the show, and since I've never seen the show, I don't know how good of a reality T.V. personality he was, but he had some pretty funny anecdotes about the whole experience. Secondly, and most important, this whole Johnny Damon fiasco just reinforces my first opinion I had about him way back when he was an Athletic (I know he stiffed K.C. to get to Oakland, but I didn't care about him back then). He is a girl. He throw like one, he talks like one, he bitches and lies like one, and he gets bossed around like one by his she-man wife (if you've ever seen this no-good gold-digger in person, you'd see what I mean). I would crawl through a mile of Peyton Manning’s stained underwear, buck naked in -20 degrees carrying nothing but a butter knife and a bag full of Mark Schlereth's shit just to get the opportunity to slit that ungrateful bitch's throat with said butter knife and pour Schlereth's shit down his neck. Then I'd rip the perfume out of his handbag and spray him in his slit throat just to make it sting more.
ED FROM EASTON (now living in stoughton)
So what you’re saying is that you don’t like Johnny Damon.
Email #6
I listen to WEEI fairly regularly and I think they are out of touch. Dennis and Callahan on the morning show think that Damon will receive a smattering of boos when he first appears at Fenway Park. The other hosts feel that there will be mostly cheers for the beardless, stuttering wonder. The only host on WEEI who I think is in touch is Mike Adams who wants the crowd to give Damon a moon the first time he steps to the plate. I think he will get roundly booed by the crowd and every day he makes another snide comment about the Sox the louder the boos will get. I wish someone disrespected me by offering me 10M per year for 4 years. The Sox had a value for Damon and stuck with it and I actually respect them for sticking to their guns. What is your take El Prez? Will Damon receive only a smattering of boos? I think not.
Also, I missed the weekly update of 24. I guess you must've finished the random thoughts before it aired. Edgar is history! The look on Chloe's face was classic at the end and when Jack shot that chick who played in The Big Chill (boy did she balloon up nicely) it was priceless. I'm looking for the weekly update of the 24 guy.
Buzzsaw
I hadn’t watched 24 yet. It was on DVR. I haven’t had time because of the paper. Now I’m depressed. And I might as well go ahead and print 24 guys recap which I hadn’t looked at yet.