Ukraine Is Up In Arms With Putin Because Russia Declared Crimea's Model With 34K Bombs The Motherland's Top 'Natural' Beauty

DM – The propaganda war between Russia and Ukraine took a turn for the bizarre after a busty Crimean model was voted Russia’s top natural beauty. Maria Zarring, who has a natural 34K bust, was born in the Crimea, the Ukrainian region now run by the ethnically Russian population. But Ukranian commentators have accused Russia of choosing the 28-year-old only because they wanted to humiliate Ukraine, and they are insisting that her breasts are not natural. Maria – who now lives in Moscow – used to have an office job in marketing but gave it up in 2011 when she won a TV wet T-shirt contest.

An outright power propaganda move by Putin. Take their tits, then take the country. But far be it from me to discuss whether Crimea is a part of the Ukraine or has officially been annexed by Russia. The only reference I have to the area is from a Risk board and it’s suicide trying to defend Ukraine from 6 fronts in all directions (seriously, FUCK Ural). All that I do know is those things are fake. If those bowling balls full of silicone and Asbestos (Russia) are natural then she must have grown up too close to Chernobyl. I’ve seen Unicorns more real than those sweater puppies Mastivs. Good luck to Maria lugging those things around in Siberia once Putin finds out he’s been had.

Fake tits are overrated, anyways. Au natural, that’s how I like them, baby. Swing low sweet chariots.