Tim Tebow Is A Philadelphia Eagle And Get Ready To Never Hear The End Of It

Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again, then promptly die by August when he’s cut back to the cross. Seriously. The sheer amount we’re going to hear about Tim Tebow, a 5th string QB that is going to need his own “Water to wine/How in the FUCK does Ruben Amaro have a job?” miracle to make the roster, is going to be sickening. John Clark almost didn’t let Tebow leave the airport last time he was in town and St. Timmy got BOILED. So prepare your souls, people. This town already didn’t have much to talk about in the sports department.

I respect the hell out of Tebow for making a comeback. And I’m not gonna lie, I don’t hate the signing. From a football standpoint it’s an extremely low risk/high reward situation. Maybe the supposed superstar QB coach Tom House really has whipped this kid grown man into a adequate NFL quarterback. But here’s a reality check for the media: Lord Tebow isn’t coming in to save the franchise or be a starter. Shit, he’s not even going to be holding the clipboard as a backup. BEST case scenario for Timmy is he sneaks onto the squad as the 3rd QB and gets a few plays a season as a gimmick option (or on Special Teams). And honestly, who would you rather have wiping up the rear of this roster – Tim Tebow or Matt Barkley? If Tebow can play I’d absolutely give him a shot over Barkley, who has proven to have the arm strength of Stephen Hawking hopped up on Ambien.

In the end, this doesn’t mean shit. It’s still all about Bradford (or probably Mariota). I just pray Chip knows what the hell he’s doing (Hey, we might have 3 of these guys on our roster but it’s AMAZING 3/5 of them were seen as the legitimate future for the Jets):

All that said, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that it moved.