The US World Cup Soccer Jerseys May Be The Least Patriotic Thing Ever

Wait a second. Nike can roll out 127 new fire uni’s each year for 12 Oregon football games and this is the best they can do to represent USA on the world’s stage? Granted, the American jerseys in the previous World Cups have been rather bland, but come on now. Red, white and blue is also the same color scheme used by the Russians and French. Don’t want to do a double take when I’m not watching soccer and be confused with being associated with any Communists or pussies. Leave it to Soccer to make America look like Euro Trash.

Time to step up the uniform game. If we can go around the world rubbing America in everyone’s faces in general we sure as shit should be able to do it on the Fútbol field. Need to deck out these fuckers with more things than a NASCAR uniform or customized GIF from Mo. Anything and everything that represent’s the Home Of The Brave. Get on there a mural of George Washington eating apple pie in a tank while looking over a flock of Bald Eagles eating a Nazi. On the back have a GIF of Lincoln in a cowboy hat ripping the heart out of Bin-Ladin with his bare hands. Put some guns on the sleeves then camouflage the toes of the shoes to blend in with the grass to represent diabetes, and you’ve got yourself a uni.

Either that or dish out some Back To Back WWII Champs and call it a Cup.