Say Hello To The Phillies New Stud Of A Cleanup Hitter: Jeff Franceour!!!

(File photo from Franceour’s rookie season in 1987 – Seriously though, that SI cover is so old motherfucking ANDRE AGASSI is being featured.)

The hockey playoffs are starting sans the Philadelphia Flyers for the 2nd time in 3 years. The Sixers are finishing up their season tonight in a “Tank Off” game vs the Miami Heat where it’s outrageously beneficial for either team to lose (If the Sixers and Nets lose that means the Heat will have a 50% chance of losing their 1st round pick #11 to Philly). The Eagles are still months away cockteasing our lives yet again. Oh, and for only the 3rd year since 1972, we will go through all 4 sports seasons without a playoff game. So I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised Ruben Amaro put the kibash on my nuts with Jeff freaking Franceour batting cleanup in just the 9th game of the season. Just when you think life has given you all the lemons you can handle, God comes along and Golden Showers an ocean full of Country Time right in your face.

Live look at my soul: