I'm Sorry But The Hockey Handshake Is The Greatest Tradition In Sports And Anybody Who Disagrees Can Frig Off
In case you missed The Rundown yesterday, Dan Katz and Kevin Clancy of Barstool Sports made some highly inflammatory remarks regarding handshake lines in sports–specifically targeting the hockey handshake. The following was said during the exchange.
DAN KATZ: “The handshake line is the dumbest thing in the world”
KEVIN CLANCY: “The DUMBEST”
DAN KATZ: “Those guys still fucking hate each other” “They want to beat the shit out of each other”
KEVIN CLANCY: “Yeah… it’s so fake!!!”
DAN KATZ: “When it comes to the handshake line, you go say hello to the people you’re friends with. That you want to shake hands with. Like the NFL, they go find their friends. The NBA they do the same thing.”
To think that this is the world we are living in today. A world in which 2 red-blooded Americans can get up there and say the NHL should consider emulating the NFL and NBA when it comes to displaying acts of sportsmanship. It’s sick. It’s twisted. It’s maniacal. And the fact that neither of these two gentlemen showed any signs of remorse for their statements go to show what kind of monsters we are dealing with here.
Now I will say this. Katz is correct in saying “those guys still fucking hate each other. They want to beat the shit out of each other”. But that’s what makes the hockey handshake line so great. Yes, they want to use the other guy’s face as their personal punching bag after going toe-to-toe for a 4-7 game series. But it’s over now. And even though they want to murder each other, they also respect each other. Not just one guy on the other team who is from the same town as they are. But the entire team because hockey is a TEAM sport that is played with HONOR and INTEGRITY. Something Katz and Clancy apparently wouldn’t know anything about. Instead, they’d rather us idolize a bunch of prima donna bitches who are more worried about stealing as much money as they possibly can with their next contract than displaying good sportsmanship. It’s sad that this is world we live in but I can’t say that I’m surprised.
The first ever recording handshake line was right after the Americans defeated the British in the Revolutionary War. Sure, the British were butt hurt about losing the war and the Americans were butt hurt that the Brits were a bunch of colonizing cock suckers. But they still respected each other after the battle for the grind that each side had just went through. That’s what the handshake line is all about. But somewhere along the line, we’ve abandoned those principles. Personally, I think millennial culture is to blame. We live in the age of social media. We live in the age of “me! me! me! everybody look at me!”. Nobody knows what it’s like to play for the name on the front of your jersey instead of the one on the back anymore. The NBA is a perfect example of millennial culture. Just a bunch of individuals out there having a dick measuring competition of who can flop the hardest. And when things don’t go their way? Well they constantly look for the easy way out (i.e. Kevin Durant signing with Golden State). The handshake line isn’t the dumbest tradition in the world. It’s just that millennials ruined it. Thankfully, however, hockey stands as a beacon of hope. Hockey is here to remind everybody of what team sports and sportsmanship are all about. Hockey is here to make sure the world doesn’t fall apart one Vine star at a time. Hockey is here to preserve the American Dream, dammit.