Pres Addresses The #PaySmitty Situation: The Final Word

Totally unrealistic. Show me a Jewish man that can throw down and I’ll show you my Unicorn farm. Amar’e Stoudemire doesn’t count.

If swear to shit if I had any sort of trust fund I would buy all 2,000 of these shirts, set up T-shirt cannons around the Boston offices like I was about to attack Ft. Sumter and shell that place with artillery fire until there are no Internet millions left. Fill that Mike Napoli Fireball bottle with piss while dropping epic heat taking through that bladeless fan right into some crappy Panera lunch.

62 sold thus far. Only about 1,600 more to go kids! If for some reason it doesn’t hit it’s mark of being full-time (Spoiler alert: It won’t) hopefully these profits end up going to #HELMETSTRONG instead of the random over/under of some women’s college basketball game on a whim. Until then, buy a #PaySmitty shirt if you’d like. It’s useful for everything from future good will wear* to the finest jiz rag. Most likely the latter.

*Honestly can’t wait in about 10 years walking with the future wife and in-laws in Center City to dinner and get mugged by a couple crackheads in these shirts. Irony at its finest.

PS – Bryn Mawr farmers market 8 am tomm to grab some pasta and watch this guy hungover and struggling to breath. Stoolie discount!