Of Course Putin Lit Up 7 Goals While Playing Hockey With Former Pro's On His Bday

Russian President Vladimir Putin spent his 63rd birthday on ice in Sochi playing hockey with the team of NHL (Night Hockey League) stars of Russian origin.

Snipe city! What else would you expect from a 63-year-old white warhorse in his prime? Gordie Howe with the hammer and a sickle definitely has the skills to fire up a double hat trick with one goal to spare. It doesn’t matter if these guys are letting him win worse than the Stonecutters when playing Homer “The Chosen One” Simpson or the Sixers when playing anyone for the past two seasons. You still gotta make those plays, even if your own teammates are petrified to give you a congratulatory fist bump. Go too high or too low and it’s off to Siberia for the rest of the life. Seriously though, I’d LOVE to see someone come out of nowhere and give that Commie on a breakaway the ol’ Scott Stevens to Eric Lindros treatment. Just may be worth being sent to the Gulag and instantly erased from history.

How about Obama mans up as a leader and scores the equivalent 70 points in basketball vs. some NBA legends? Oh, that’s right.