Marc Bergevin Has A Serious Trade Addiction And He Needs Help

bergevin-drouin

harbaugh-addiction

*Extremely Jim Harbaugh voice* “You addicted to trades? You got a trade addiction?”

If there’s one thing that we’ve learned about Marc Bergevin over the last 365 days, it’s that the man treats real life like it’s GM mode in NHL 17. Over the last calendar year (does that mean 365 days? I never know if that’s the right phrase or not), let’s just go through a quick rundown of all the moves he’s made.

  • June 24, 2016: Traded picks to Chicago for Andrew Shaw. Got some picks back from Washington by sending them Lars Eller
  • June 29, 2016: Blockbuster deal that sent PK Subban to Nashville 1-for-1 for Shea Weber. Though the trade is essentially even as far as talent goes, it still seemed like a no-need trade. Just for the sake of making a splash.
  • October 8, 2016: Trades Tim Bozon to Florida for Jonathan Racine.
  • January 26, 2017: I hope Jonathan Racine didn’t sign a lease in Montreal because now he gets traded to Tampa along with a pick for Nikita Nesterov
  • February 14, 2017: Fires Michel Therrien while the Habs are 1st in the Atlantic Division.
  • February 14, 2017: Hires Claude Julien
  • February 21, 2017: Trades Philip Samuelsson for Keegan Lowe. Nobody besides Philip Samuelsson and Keegan Lowe know this.
  • February 27, 2017: Trades Greg Pateryn and a pick to the Stars for Jordie Benn. Realizes it’s not Jamie Benn when Jordie arrives to the complex and decides to no longer make trades while drinking again.
  • February 28, 2017: To forget about picking up the wrong Benn brother, trades David Desharnais to Edmonton for Brandon Davidson. Huge deal.
  • March 1, 2017: Trade Deadline Day. Marc Bergevin’s Christmas. Picks up Andreas Martinsen, Dwight King and Steve Ott.
  • June 15, 2017: Yesterday, trades Mikhail Sergachev for Jonathan Drouin. Just a quick 4 months after saying this:

Screen Shot 2017-06-16 at 8.42.11 AM

All of those deals. All in just one fucking year. Got rid of the team’s biggest star in PK Subban. Got rid of the head coach. Got rid of possibly their top prospect. And to make things even better, there are still some more blockbuster deals to be made. Because we’ll probably see Alex Galchenyuk go as early as today, and then whatever other tomfoolery he has planned with Vegas before the Expansion Draft. There are plenty of NHL GM’s out there who haven’t even made that many deals during their entire tenure with a team. Bergevin is out there doing all this in 365 days. And I don’t even want to know how many more trades we would have seen if this was a leap year.

Anyway, I think we just need to offer him some help right now. He’s clearly an addict. He clearly doesn’t have any control over this disease. He says these things like “I won’t give up a young guy like Mikhail Sergachev” and that he has “extreme confidence” in Michel Therrien and their coaching staff. Then he goes out the next day and ships these guys off. The guy just can’t help himself. Which is why he needs us. He’s very good friends to be there by his side and guide him through these troubling times. Because as much as we don’t like to believe it can happen, he’s about one trade away from overdosing and getting rid of Carey Price. It’s a slippery slope and he’s hanging on by a thread.

@BarstoolJordie

 

 

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