Ladies: Please, Please, PLEASE Do Not Make Drinking Helium-Infused Wine A "Thing"

Nope. Not gonna happen. Not on my watch. White chicks are already annoying enough while downing their favorite bottle of Pino Grigio together. The loud Grey’s Anatomy chatter from the kitchen while you’re watching the game in the other room is already intolerable enough. Adding helium to the equation is just twisting the knife to men all across the world. Can’t happen. And I don’t even care if this is fake because science says Helium can’t be soluble with liquid. When women have a will, women will have a way. It’s already hell hath no fury when you try to tell a betch she’s had a little too much white to drink. Please. We don’t need a gaggle of Minions talking smack back when we’re just trying to go home and sleep off the stench that of mediocrity.

Somehow they managed to one-up the DMV + Alvin and The Chimpmunks level of annoyance. I’m not even mad, I’m impressed.