I Would Gladly Kill Myself For The City Of Philadelphia If It Guaranteed A Super Bowl Victory

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A nice little conversation sparked up during Barstool Drive Time this morning (around the 52 min mark). KFC mentioned he’d do something like never watch football again to guarantee a championship. Naturally I’d say I would die for the Eagles to be guaranteed a Lombardi Trophy and all hell breaks loose. Would I want to do it? No. Of course not. Would I do it for the team? FUCK no. I don’t need to see millionaires become more rich. I’d do it for the people of Philadelphia. The average Delco Joe, South Philly Sally, Bernie from Broomall, and Patputter from Malvern. Every out of proportion cynical character in Rocky, Invincible, and The Garbage Pickin’ Field Goal Kickin’ Philadelphia Phenomenon. They deserve to not walk through a mile of shit for once, even if it’s just for a short while. So give me an honorable death. A soldier’s death. It would be a great business decision, too. PPV me committing Sepuku on top of the Bud Light Bar (cha-ching!) and watch the cash roll through. Just send my share of the money go to whoever wants to piss on Joe Carter’s grave. And, yes, I am aware Joe Carter is not dead yet. But it’ll happen someday and his dirt needs to be soiled for him ending millions of childhoods.

Plus I think I’ve already died on the inside bullrushing this Cowboys hag with the drag for this damn team/city (among other things). Death is but a window after that one.

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