I Don't Trust This 3D Food Printer As Far As I Could Throw It

CNN — As further proof that you can now 3-D-print anything, a company called Natural Machines has introduced a 3-D printer for food. The “Foodini,” as it’s called, isn’t too different from a regular 3-D printer, but instead of printing with plastics, it deploys edible ingredients squeezed out of stainless steel capsules: “It’s the same technology,” says Lynette Kucsma, co-founder of Natural Machines, “but with plastics there’s just one melting point, whereas with food it’s different temperatures, consistencies and textures. Also, gravity works a little bit against us, as food doesn’t hold the shape as well as plastic.”

In theory this is hands down bar none the greatest invention of all time, and that’s why I have to hate it. Imagine going out to work for the day and before you run out the door you tell your 3D printer to whip up a nice four-course meal for you to enjoy when you get home. It’s like the Crock Pot on deer antler spray. But therein lies the issue with this product. Nothing in life can be that perfect. There has to be something sneaky about the Foodini and while I may not know exactly what it is, I’m 100% positive its up to no good. I just can’t trust a robot with making my food directly for me. I get they probably make most of my food already, but it’s not specifically for my own consumption. Robots making food for the masses? Totally fine. But once you get a personal Foodini and turn it into your slave is where things start to take a turn for the worst. If this thing starts to develop any sort of self-awareness at all, you’re screwed. You think the Foodini won’t just start to slowly drip some poison into your food? Think again. If it cooks, it’s a woman and poison is a woman’s weapon. Makes perfect sense logistically speaking. But it’s still the coolest invention ever and if I ever managed to get my blogging hands on $1,000 to buy one, it would be completely worth running the risk of getting poisoned to death by a 3D printer. That’s probably a better way of going out than I had originally planned anyway.