How Pissed Was This Bride When Her Smoke Maid Of Honor Gives A Vanilla Ice Concert Instead Of A Speech?

Helllooooo attention whore.

I’m absolutely hammering the fact the bride was livid beyond belief. It’s the one time in her life where the day is ALL about her. The last thing she wants is everyone solely talking about her bridesmaids who she most likely secretly despises anyways because women even hate their own kind. I’m shocked the bride didn’t get up and start awkwardly dancing just to draw attention away from the hot piece of tits stealing the show. Probably even used The Shining to get the kid on the dance floor to break up the Vanilla Ice concert. And I say Vanilla Ice concert instead of a speech because nobody is really listening to the words. She probably spent months on the lyrics and rehearsing it but all I see is a blonde biddy and all I hear is the Vanilla Ice beat. Or Queen and David Bowie’s Under Pressure. To each their own.

PS – Nothing is more awkward than a wedding speech that falls flat or is too long. Unless you’re Bill Murray giving love advice off the cuff nobody really gives two shits what you have to say. Keep it short, heartfelt and to the point or GTFO. There’s and open bar and thousands of bacon wrapped scallops to conquer.