German Soccer Club Gets Relegated, Local Brothel Offers Fans A Quickie To Ease The Pain
Mirror – Disappointed fans of a football club that are finishing the season at the bottom of their league are being offered a ‘quickie’ to ease their sorrows .
Hannover 96 have been relegated for the fifth time in their history, finishing rock bottom of the Bundesliga in Germany.With just 22 points from 31 games, the team are nine points adrift from safety with three games left.
And now a local sauna has revealed its surefire way to make fans feel better about it all – at just 96 euros, or around £75 – by giving them a “quickie”… It reads: “for 96 euros, all drinks, except champagne, are free and included in the entry fee is a 15-minute quickie with a female club hostess of your choice”.
Now that right there is how you do business. This hit home extra hard for me after the Flyers were just bounced from the Stanley Cup Playoffs by the Caps yesterday and the only quickie I was getting to get the loss of my mind was from myself. I’m forced to wallow in my own pity over here like I’m going through a break up. Every song that comes on the radio reminds me of all the good times I had with the Flyers. I’m looking back on all the old photographs, checking in on their Twitter to see if they’re thinking about me still like I’m thinking about them. I’d give anything to not feel this sadness and heart break that I’m feeling right now. So 96 Euros for an all you can drink AND a 15-minute quickie with any of female club hostesses I want? Well that’s a goddamn steal especially considering there’s not a chance I’d actually need the full 15 minutes.
If Philly really wanted to lose the label of being a scumbag sports city then this would be a surefire way to make that happen. Why do fans freak out and start throwing wristbands onto the ice when our team is down 6-1 in the playoffs? Well because not only is our team getting their shit kicked in, but there’s no other outlet to ease that tension besides anger and aggression. When alcohol is mixed with rage, you get massive brawls in the parking lots after games. When alcohol is mixed with sex? Well you have a completely different story on your hands then. Have you ever once been angry after getting your rocks off? Of course not. Those next few minutes are the only minutes of your day that you’re not ready to kill somebody and/or yourself. So if the fans of this city just knew that we had an all-you-can-drink and quickie session waiting for us at Delilah’s after every loss, well then maybe we’d handle it a little better. Just some food for thought.