Definitely Way More Attracted Than I Should Be To This Bodybuilding Dwarf

SCOTTSDALE – “From my knowledge and Google’s knowledge, I am the only female little person to ever complete in a show like this,” said Amanda Loy. Loy, who’s 4′ tall, took the stage this weekend in her custom bikini and heels for the NPC Natural Western USA Figure Competition at the Mesa Arts Center. And she made a big impression on the judges – placing fourth out of nine competitors in her division and walking home with a trophy.

I’m not one of those guys who are attractive to anyone who has the slimmest of chances to kick my ass. Nor am I smitten to anyone who I literally can throw father than I can trust them. But what we have here is a happy medium of sorts. This is not a midget God made solely to toss. No, no, no. Amanda Loy is a proportional dwarf that would put anyone in the Lollipop Guild into submission but could still make a mean omelette with those eyes. Basically just a fun-sized Jenny McCarthy in her prime. Plus there’s always that chance while having sex you give that extra umph and she bursts into a million golden coins like you punched the jackpot box in Super Mario Brothers.

If my heartfelt devotion to this bodybuilding midgie makes me weird then consider myself prime to be the next volunteer to knit outfits from roadkill skin for dolls in Nate’s basement. Wouldn’t mind sharing the closet space with Britt McHenery before she makes her escape.