Cocky Asian Sets Record For Consecutive Half Court Shots

First we’re losing Every goddamned trade deal with China, and now they’re setting basketball records too? Unacceptable. It’s a nightmare. The Chinese obviously sensed the advent of smallball and ran with it. Because, frankly, who is better equipped for smallball than a nation that features a cool billion citizens who are under 5’4? Within two Olympics, the half court sets will feature four reds at every corner of the court sniping like Zhang Taofang (who, of course, was China’s top sniper in the Korean War).

More immediately, we can act in the most American way we know how and do some appropriation. Appropriate this man’s talent and steal him away from whichever ping-pong academy that has him training, foot chained to the table, for 15 hours a day. Slap him in a Sixers uniform and make whoever we’re playing guard out to half-court extended. Pace and SPACE.

That way, we can stay ahead of the curve enough until LeBron James Jr. is ready to take the helm.

Side note, this video is obviously edited to only show two made threes, so who knows how many he hit in a row? Just another example of the media trying to besmirch the good James family name. No matter. He’ll be making midcourt look midrange by the time he’s in the league in the early 20s.

In an ode to Mo, the Sixers 2023 Starting Lineup:

PG: LeBron James Jr.
SG: Xu Changqing
SF: Josh Jackson
PF: Ben Simmons
C: Joel Embiid

For now, let’s just keep an eye on the Chinese, who are obviously making their play to become an international basketball superpower. For me? They’re still the scumbags that jumped the Georgetown squad in 2011. Never forget.

@_rone