Chemicals In Toothpaste, Soap And Sunscreen Are Causing Men To Shoot Blanks

DM – Chemicals in everyday products including toothpaste, soap and sunscreen could be damaging men’s fertility, researchers warn. For the first time, a study has directly linked common household chemicals with damage to human sperm. The scientists said that the ‘ubiquitous’ chemicals may be contributing to widespread fertility problems in the Western world. Around one in six couples in Britain has trouble starting a family and male infertility is to blame in nearly half of these cases. The German and Danish researchers tested almost 100 everyday chemicals – and discovered that a third affected sperm.

Rejoice, boyos! No more double bagging, purposely keeping the laptop on your lap* or chugging Mountain Dew until you go blind. Practicing proper hygiene and protecting yourself from the sun is finally worth the effort. Give credit to the soulless corporations for releasing new and improved Joker products and killing off people before they’re even born. What’s even better is they won’t even tell you what chemicals are affecting fertility, so chances are, you’ve bought them already. Still shouldn’t take it for granted. All that’s needed is one, little overachieving shit to Michael Phelps his way to the egg and ruin at minimum 3 lives. Now there’s no excuse now not to go days without showering or oiling up with lotion for fun. Which will be weird, because unless you’re Ginger as fuck, you don’t put on Sunscreen until you get that solid red glow. It’s all about getting a good base. Melanoma, too, but a solid base first.

*No chance I’m slipping one past the goalie after the amount of time I’ve had a 100 degree battery on my crotch sizzling my nuts like bacon. Not even on purpose, either, just out of utter laziness. Might as well have injected pure Plutonium into my testicles and called it a lineage. If you put my boys under a microscope I would be lucky if they were this active:

A Waylon Smithers I am not.