BATTLE FOR THE BALL IS TONIGHT AT 7PM: Barstool Philly vs. Barstool Sports At Philly U

vs.

The battle date has arrived. Tickets are still available to watch a blogger’s heart explode on the court, or you can get them at the gates of Philadelphia University.

In all honesty, the early line was set at -10 in favor of Pres and his hired goons, but that’s when we had our full roster. Due to injuries, the European playoffs and one of our guys working out for the draft in Dallas, we’re now left with this:

Yup. 4/5 guys we had in our original starting lineup are out. Super cute. I’ve been chugging Pedialyte like a child suffering from the shits all day because it looks like I’m going to have to suit and sac up for the entire game. Screw pulling a LeBron, I’ll be happy if I don’t go Len Bias on everyone. We’re the definition of an underdog going into this game. A true 16 seed trying to knock off a #1 for the first time in history.

Everyone thinks we’re gonna lose besides us.* Well that’s just fine and dandy. American history proves that everybody’s got a chance to win. Didn’t you guys ever hear of Valley Forge or Bunker Hill? Vegas may have the line at -60 right now, but games aren’t played on the sportsbooks. We may go down but we’re going down swinging.

*We know we have no shot unless Matt Walsh and his boys have their legs amputated below the knees before gametime. If Maurice Peebles, the organizer of all of this from the start, doesn’t show and leaves me to be embarrassed by myself, I’m on the next bus to Brooklyn to burn that hipsterdick to the ground.