Backyard Games, Power Ranked

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We finally made it to Memorial Day Weekend which means that Summer is officially here which means that every weekend from here on out consists of the beach, BBQ’s, beers, babes (hopefully) and backyard games. For some, it’s a time to kick back and relax. For others, it’s time for that competitive streak to kick in and show everyone else┬áthat backyard your bitch. Now while all backyard games are created equally, that doesn’t mean that some are just blatantly better than others. So in the spirit of MDW, it’s time to power rank these bad boys.

Absolute Dead Last: Washers

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I don’t understand how people actually like this game. It’s impossible to play, nobody has ever had any fun, it’s annoying as hell when the washers always bounce straight out of the box on every toss. You can’t play this at a tailgate because if you miss, that washer is rolling all the way across the lot. It’s a terrible game intended for terrible people.

7) Bocce Ball

bocceball-old-lady

I’m sure that there are plenty of Bocce enthusiasts out there but this game just doesn’t do it for me. I think what it’s missing the most is that competitive nature. You don’t really talk shit when you’re playing Bocce Ball. It’s more of a gentleman’s game, which is totally fine and everything but it’s just not my cup of tea. I need some fire and some passion in my backyard games. I need things to start to get ugly and friendships to be lost. That’s not what Bocce brings to the table.

6) Badminton

The only reason why this isn’t higher on the list is because it’s not very common to show up to a party that has a badminton net set up. But this is the game that I think you can get the most aggressive with if you’re good. You can be an absolute goon savage and spike the shuttlecock right in some jabroni’s face. Or you can completely mind fuck everyone with a drop shot and make your opponent look like a mental midget. Badminton gets intense and if you’re an excessive sweater like myself, might I suggest packing an extra shirt.

5) Ladder Ball

ladder-ball-old-ladies

Fun game that is easy to play, easy to set up and doesn’t take up a ton of space. Definitely not the best but farrrrrr from the worst. Quick Sidenote: the over hand toss is the way to go in Ladder Ball. Sure, you may end up looking like a dick but it works. Winners always find a way to win.

4) Kan Jam

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I’ll be honest, I suck bricks at Kan Jam. Absolutely terrible. I’m not a frisbee guy and if you have friends/relative who were a bunch of douche frat stars in college, I suggest never playing against them. But just because I suck doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate KanJam as a game. It takes skill, precision, and people get pretty hype over it. Really gets the adrenaline pumping.

3) Horseshoes

billy-madison-old-lady-horsesocks

I wanted to make Horseshoes #1 on this list because it’s one of the originals and deserves the recognition. When you’re on, horseshoes is the best game there is. The only problem is that it is very easy to be off in horseshoes. It’s very easy for all the bounces to go against you and to just not have the feel for the shoe. Nothing is more frustrating than horseshoes. So since this game has the ability to either completely make or break your day, I’ll leave it at #3.

2) Wiffle Ball

Unless you’re playing against someone like this who is the Randy Johnson of wiffle ball pitching, it doesn’t get much better than this. Very few feelings are as rewarding as crushing a dinger in front of the entire BBQ. For one brief moment of your life, you’ve actually done something that you can be proud about and for once, not everybody hates you. It’s glorious. The one problem with Wiffle Ball though is that you need at least 3 people on a team in order for anyone to care. 4 is preferred. Sometimes you just don’t have that many people that want to play. It happens.

1) Cornhole

cornhole-american-flag

Cornhole is the most perfect game there ever was. It’s simple enough that anyone can play it so you can get a girl on your team and try to work that game to your advantage. But you can also get really good at Cornhole and then it gets pretty damn competitive. But unlike Wiffle Ball and Badminton, you can still hold on to your drink the entire game. As long as you have the boards and some beanbags, you can play it anywhere. The backyard, the beach, the parking lot. So unless someone tells me that croquet is the greatest game ever and I’m just a total idiot for missing out on it, Cornhole is your backyard game champion for now and forever.

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