And Here We Have All Of The Barstool Employees In Nintendo Mii Form

Intern Robbie and I had to create a few Wii Characters, or Mii’s, if you will, for Barstool Gametime (Follow/Subscribe to @BarstoolSports on Twitch. Do it and do it NOW – Click Here). Eventually we gave it the ol’ fuck it and decided to give everyone a Mii because, why not? Here are the results. Enjoy, and eviscerate more as ye shall please.

Is this racist?  Possibly.  But, hey, Nintendo is a Japanese company.  They know their own people.  And thanks to Asa’s extensive profile on record (h/t Pornhub), they know her both inside and out.

Part Hitler, part 45-year-old father of 3 just desperately trying to get another thousand miles out of the Dodge Stratus before it dies.

Office Manager Degeneres coming out mostly unscathed in his Mii.  Needs a more realistic sweater outlaying the lesbianism.

Lookin’ good, QB 3!  Also had trouble getting Mii Caleb to stand still for a photo cause it was wandering around aimlessly without Rone’s Mii.

Is Chaps’ Mii drunk, too?  Yes.  Yes it is.  It’s also been lagging since Easter 2007.
 

Look at this jolly ol’ fellow.  The Mii is possibly too Chemo Clem, which is still possibly healthier than the real life Clem.

This is almost too nice of a Mii for this real life Bostonian Mick Ogre.  Points for his virtual self packing a lip 24/7 like his real life version.

True Story: We created Mii’s on a children’s video game system so Pres and his girlfriend would have something to play together.

Truer Story:  Pres’s girlfriend was a Mii but disappeared off with a Wii Fit instructor.
 

Of course the boss looks great.  Of course. Narddog looking fresh!
 

Of course the supermodel looks great.  Of course.  However, no rack button is why the Japs lost WWII.
 

Such a handsome lady.
 

I’ll be honest, if this was Ebony in real life then people around the office are going to have to feel more uncomfortable when she drops N bombs with hard R’s, which is already impossible.

This is a fahkin’ sweet Mii.  Drop this baby in a dive bar in Southie and call it a life.

The Captian snuck his way onto #BudLightBusters so therefore he sneaks his way into the Mii.  Well played.

Does this Mii need enforcers?  Hard to say. Maybe a longer stick.  Also, the only sport not featured on Wii is Hockey, so not too sure Jordie is allowed to exist here.

Somehow the 22-year-old intern has turned into a soccer mom whose highlight of her life is dishing out orange slices at halftime.

Francis.  Those eyes don’t seem to be living.  Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.  Seriously may be the most realistic Mii here.

Mii Glenny just randomly showed up out of nowhere, ran the worst 40 in Wii Fit history, and now somehow has the highest scores in all the games.  Not sure how that correlates to real life, but it does.

Bearded Mii Hank looks so much better than freshly shaved Mii Henry.  Bearded Mii Hank resembles a successful producer for one of the biggest podcasts on Earth.  Baby faced Mii Henry looked like all the chromosomes didn’t add up.

The Hills Have Eyes.  This Mii promptly used his Sims family to escape work early before pulling a Manchester By The Sea to the virtual house to end it all.  Mii Kevin’s anguish is somehow worse than his real life misery.

Mii Kmarko.  Still looks better than his pets, Kbarko and Catmarko:

Mii YP just got done doing huffing paint while waiting for a Green Day cover band. Or he’s dazed because he got in the grills of Wii Nate and Wii Riggs and got the virtual piss beaten out of him. Same reaction.

Mrs. Marlins Woman looking hot!

“I mean…come on.  That’s WILD you’d think I’d look like that.  Did you know I played D-I hockey at Harvard?  WILD!!!!!!!”

Does this look like the Mii of an 18-year-old lesbian who had a wet dream after playing Star Wars Battlefront for 20 hours straight?  Why yes.  Yes it does.

Be more white milk, Mii Rone.  You can’t.

I would trade looks, nay, lives with my Wii Mii in nanosecond.  That king strutting around with its red pants is Lord Of The Virtual Manor.

That is definitely NOT a gay Mii.  We actually had to separate Spags from all the female Mii’s cause he was fucking them all with his giant Mii dick.  Coincidentally, the Wii now has a sociopath setting for creating characters.

Mii Tex also thinks as well as Floyd Mayweather reads.  Also, Tex concussed himself playing Wii Boxing.  Single player.

Does Wii Trent fuck corn, or does corn fuck Wii Trent?  Judging by that smile…both.

Trill Barstool 2017: Get Out.

I tried to create Nate but ended up with Nintendo’s resident butter churning sexual deviant.  Hey, he hasn’t threatened my job in awhile, so I kindly avoided naming his Mii character #NecrophiliaNate.  Sadly(?), this isn’t the most harsh comparison our kid Nate has seen today:

And that’s all she wrote. We’ll have more Wii adventures in the office as time goes on. Still need to redeem myself after the last outing where I shat myself on the mound (and at the plate) vs. Miss Olash.

“What does that mean, like, is that good?” Women.