Almost Have To Respect The Dick On Starbucks For Offering $50 "Mother's Day" Gift Cards For $200

Starbucks – For Mother’s Day, give her beautiful flowers—the ones etched into this elegant and exclusive Starbucks Card. Offered for the first time ever, this Mother’s Day Starbucks Card makes an elegant gift with its laser-etched floral details and satin ceramic finish. It comes pre-loaded with $50 on the Card and packaged in a beautiful gift box with matching design. It’s more than a gift card. Mom can earn free drinks, food, and more once her Starbucks Card is registered in My Starbucks Rewards™. At participating stores.

Wait, they’re not even real flowers that come with this? “The ones etched” into the card is it? Holy Schnikes. “It’s more than a giftcard.” Yeah, and my life is more than an embarrassment to my parents. Growing up in the septic tank of Philadelphia sports, I’m used to my leg getting pissed on while being told it’s rain. Well this, my friends, is a pure Golden Shower directly down the throat while Starbucks is convincing everyone it’s Country Time. The fucking audacity of these hipsters. And the sad thing is suckers will come down from the highlands by the hundreds, and thousands, to buy this package. Touche, I guess. To Starbucks’ credit they’ve been selling a .10 cent cup coffee for $5 long before this scam.