This Guy With 100 Orgasms Left Before His Dick Stops Working Forever Is An Actual Nightmare Scenario

SOURCE – I’m 34 years old and I have a finite amount of real, working, orgasm-capable erections remaining. They estimate I have about a hundred nuts left.

You cannot imagine the feeling. I go in for what I think is a routine physical, and I’m blindsided. My whole life changes in an instant; like hearing you have six months to live. I honestly thought the doctor was fucking with me– how do you even process that kind of information?

But I’ve now seen the full battery of experts and specialists. They call it ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa. Basically, there’s a reservoir in your penis that fills with blood when you have an erection. In my case, every time I get hard, it causes an autoimmune reaction, which causes a scar tissue build-up in the reservoir. Ultimately, the scar tissue will make it impossible to ever get a boner again. I’m the first case anyone’s ever seen, and no one can tell me why it’s happening.

I’ve tried every conceivable therapy and medication there is, but nothing works. So I’ve been through the five stages of grief. I accept my fate. But that’s not the same as knowing how to cope with it. Masturbation’s obviously out of the question. I feel like I need to be super selective with women, as if all of a sudden I’m gonna start banging Victoria’s Secret models. Like I deserve it now, in some sort of twisted Make a Wish for a Dying Penis bid.

[L]ately, I’m terrified of sex itself. I slept with one woman since the diagnosis, but when she wanted to go for a second round, a wave of incredible panic swept over me. I burst into a cold sweat and my chest felt like it was gonna cave in on itself. Since then I’ve been chaste as a fucking nun, but I toss and turn all night with crazy, disturbing sex dreams, and now I’m worried that I’ll lose a nut to a wet dream.
 
 

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Working on the Internet you see a lot of things that are horrible. Death, insane crimes, Barstool’s ads. But something like this is an absolute NIGHTMARE because it’s something so relatable. The odds are none of us will ever have “ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa” but the thing is you could at any second. And then all of a sudden you’re meting out orgasms like whoever’s in charge of large brown bags of rice in North Korea. Genuinely horrifying.

So I guess the question is: What’s the strategy here? My gut instinct is you hope this email goes viral and the hottest women in the world take pity on you and you get a solid 20 nuts off that. Or get on Tinder, post that story, and hope you’re then choosing from the pick of the litter of girls who would 100% take great pride in being one of the last few rocks this dude gets off. Also given how out of left field this diagnosis was in the first place, do you even risk trying to hold onto the 100 orgasms? What if things deteriorate faster than expected and all of a sudden what was supposed to be 100 orgasms is now down to 50 and you just wasted half your batch?

Just so many things to consider here. Either way it shakes out, I think we can agree on one thing: I would definitely waste 25% of however many orgasms I had left while mindlessly browsing porn at 3am and going “Eh, I’ve got 50 more whatever.” It’s sad enough when you end up jerking off when you didn’t want to, just holding your sad quickly softening dick wondering where it all went wrong…I can’t even imagine the buyer’s remorse when you’ve got a finite amount of jizz to give. Dick Sophie’s Choice for real.

(Sad man photo by Shutterstock)