The Knicks Make No Moves As The NBA Trade Deadline Passes
Live look at Tom Thibodeau
Live look at Phil Jackson
After weeks of rumors, I thought we were trading Derrick Rose for Ricky Rubio and just maybe by the grace of God, a random Melo trade would work out at the very last minute and we could build this team around a 7’3″ glitch. Instead in typical Knicks fashion, they tickled our balls and then kicked us in the dick. Now Derrick Rose will either walk as a free agent or get overpaid as a Knick, and Carmelo will be another year older and closer to getting us nothing when he leaves. Instead of tanking the next two months, we will probably be stuck in the NBA purgatory that we remember so fondly from the Isiah Thomas years when we either didn’t have our pick when we were bad (like last year or kept our pick and proceeded to tread water in the middle of the pack despite not being a contender while drastically reducing our likelihood of a good draft pick (like this year).
Now I know Ricky Rubio is by no means a slam dunk because not being able to shoot in the NBA in the year 2017 is a killer. But he can play defense and pass the ball. Plus I trust Phil when it comes to acquiring European players a million times more than I trust him with Americans. I was thinking a team with KP, Rubio, Slick Willy, Kuz, and Sasha The Rat Vujacic could maybe unlock Olympic Melo’s power like Captain Planet or some shit. Add that to Kyle O’Quinn and Gentleman Ron Baker and maybe something comes of it. Or we just force Melo to take a hike and finally blow this thing up since we were blessed to actually hit on a star in the draft. I don’t know. What I do know is that I didn’t sign up for Woj Twitter alerts and have a shitload of butterflies dance in my stomach every time I received one for the Knicks to end up doing nothing.
This summer has long been viewed as a bonanza for point guards, but it sounds like the players at the top (Curry, Paul, and Lowry) are all probably staying put, so it will be mid-tier free agents that we stare at in Photoshopped Knicks jerseys before they rip our hearts out, especially with the whole “Everyone in the league seems to hate your Team President for saying the word posse and your owner was said to have a slave master mentality by another player”. The Knicks somehow keeping Derrick Rose relatively healthy for his Knicks tenure when he wasn’t disappearing like fucking Houdini is basically the biggest upset ever. But instead of moving on from him, we get to watch Rose ignore his teammates with drives to the basket to prove he’s healthy for his next contract while also acting as a sieve on the other end of the court. And once this season REALLY turns to shit, I’m sure we will get the best #StayMe7o cryptic, super emo tweets we have heard in a while as he continues to battle Phil Jackson. Great! Grand! Wonderful!!!
In short, fuck this year’s trade deadline that was so uneventful it made this year’s dunk contest look fun. Fuck Phil Jackson. Fuck James Dolan. Fuck this franchise.
P.S. Glass half full, at least the Knicks are still a Super Team! Can’t be a Super Team if the guy who named the Knicks a Super Team is gone.
P.P.S. Glass half full for real, at least Oak can figuratively tell James Dolan to suck his dick from courtside on national TV in Cleveland. Too bad there’s a good chance the Knicks are going to get gutted as he does so.
At least KP continues to creep.
Keep shooting, kid. If you follow me on Twitter or become my friend, I will give you access to the Barstool dashboard so you can see all of our smokeshow blogs before they post.