FREEDOMMMM!!! The Knicks Have Fired Derek Fisher
This could also read “The Knicks have relieved their fans of watching Derek Fisher try to coach”
Just when the depression of the NFL season officially being over was beginning to set in, the Zen Master goes out and drops a bomb to revitalize all of New York. Watching Phil’s number 1 choice for the job go to Golden State and lead the best and most exciting team in the league hurt. But watching Phil’s second choice lead the Knicks to a 40-96 record in 1.5 years, including the worst season in franchise history, REALLY hurt. Like the subtle pain of depression just aching every day. At least last year you could make the case that the team didn’t have the talent. But this team has decent veterans, Melo, and a 7’3″ Latvian unicorn. I just wasn’t sure if Dolan would eat the remaining 3.5 years on Fisher’s 5 year, $25 million(!!!) contract. In the long, illustrious history of shitty Knicks contracts, Fisher’s has to be up there considering how much coaches with no experience usually get paid.
As for the next coach, there will be a lot of names flying around. I’d love for Tom Thibodeau or Jeff Van Gundy to come back home. But I’m pretty sure they hate James Dolan just as much as the rest of us. Plus Phil is going to want a triangle guy who know the ways of the Zen Master. I’ve heard Brian Shaw (no thanks) and Luke Walton (I mean he DID win a ton for what is granted a great team). And while I would love Phil Jackson to attempt to walk his crippled ass from the front office to ascend back to the coaching chair throne, I know that ain’t going to happen since he is the only person in New York with a worse injury history this decade than David Wright. But seriously, the Phil Jackson Iron Throne was one of my favorite things in the NBA. That chair would make Robert Baratheon blush.
But as we let the rumors sort themselves out, I’m just going to admire our interim coach, Kurt Rambis.
Now if you are an NBA player, you really need to know your wife’s whereabouts. Because The Slippery Fish is on the loose, baby! And since Fisher is no longer an NBA employee, there is a 75% chance that Matt Barnes murders him.
However, losing Fisher’s incredible motivational speeches is a HUGE loss for this team.
And I’m not saying that Phil Jackson plays The Eliminator on Twitter but I’m not saying he doesn’t, either.
Just a couple of white dudes quoting Martin Luther King Jr. about an NBA coach getting fired. That’s the Barstool difference.
Meanwhile, in Charlotte 
And because I promised to include this picture in every story involving Barnes and Fisher.
Update: BONER ALERT!!!
Obviously the only downside to this would be Porzingis would be run into the ground by the age of 24.