Science Says Millennials Arent Banging
Washington Post – Sam Wei, a 26-year-old financial analyst in Chicago, has not had sex since her last relationship ended 18 months ago. She makes out with guys sometimes, and she likes to cuddle. “To me, there’s more intimacy with having someone there next to you that you can rely on without having to have sex,” she said. “I don’t want to do anything that would harm the relationship and be something that we can’t come back from.” It’s a less sexy time to be young than it used to be, despite millennials’ reputation as bed-hoppers frolicking like the characters on “Girls.” A study published Tuesday in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior finds that younger millennials — born in the 1990s — are more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s as the previous generation was. Even older millennials are more sexually active than this younger group is. Recent research also shows that overall, millennials — people born between the early 1980s and 2000 — have fewer sexual partners than the baby boomers and those in Generation X, the group immediately preceding them. Noah Patterson, 18, likes to sit in front of several screens simultaneously: a work project, a YouTube clip, a video game. To shut it all down for a date or even a one-night stand seems like a waste. “For an average date, you’re going to spend at least two hours, and in that two hours I won’t be doing something I enjoy,” he said. He has never had sex, although he likes porn. “I’d rather be watching YouTube videos and making money.” Sex, he said, is “not going to be something people ask you for on your résumé.”
It’s not that he doesn’t like women. “I enjoy their companionship, but it’s not a significant part of life,” said Patterson, a web designer in Bellingham, Wash.
What the fuck is this about? Millennials are too cool to bang? Whats wrong with you idiots? If I knew some dude that was like 18, 19, 22, 24 years old and was turning his dick up at sex, I’d punch him right in the damn face. Break that celibate asshole’s nose. Coming from a dude who’s staring down the barrel of a married life of no sex for the next 40 years, I can confidently say these jerks dont know what they’ve got till its gone.
I’m not saying you need to be some sex crazed loser who thinks getting your bird wet is the only thing that matters. I knew guys growing up that were so hell bent on banging chicks it consumed them. Any night that didnt end with sex was a failure. They were oddly insecure about it. Plow Town was the only thing that mattered in their lives. That shit is lame. You dont need to be like that. But that period of time from 18 to like 28 is all about booze and pussy and happiness. It doesnt have to stop at 28. You can stay single and live that Peter Pan life well into your 40’s if youre so inclined. But my point is there are certain periods of life where you need to take advantage of certain opportunities and having sex when you’re young is one of those periods and opportunities. When you’re married and jerking off in the bathroom with the volume on your iPhone porn on one bar, you’re going to be mad at yourself that you thought you were too cool for casual sex when you were 24.
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And this Noah kid can kick rocks with his “I’d rather be making money and watching Youtube.” You know what that is? Thats a quote from a dude who cant get laid and is making up some lie about why he doesnt really want to. Thats like people who say they dont like karaoke. No, you would love to do karaoke, you just suck at it. This guy Noah sucks at getting chicks to have sex with him so he just says he doesnt want to. A lot of these young millennials are socially awkward and so they tell themselves that Pokemon Go and fucking Youtube videos are better than sex. They say that sex is a waste of time. Newsflash kiddos – sex is the best. Sex is pound for pound, minute for minute, your best use of time ever. Its a 10-15 minute occurrence that you will remember forever and ever and masturbate to its memories until the end of time. Confidence through the roof after you bang a new girl. Everything gets better. Theres a reason why it drives humankind. Because its awesome.
Give it a try, millennials. Sex is pretty cool.