Potty Training, Bribery, Pregnant Hookers, And Draymond Green's Dick - The Podfathers

There’s a war going on at the Casa de Clem no man is safe from. It don’t matter if you three feet or eight-one. That’s right, I’m talking about potty training.

When I first found out I was going to become a dad, the thought of changing countless dirty diapers was something I dreaded about as much as losing my freedom, never being able to get a good night’s sleep again, and losing any financial flexibility for the rest of my life. But after a few months, I kinda just got used to paying for and changing diapers. There are so many other things going on, that wiping up another human’s shit and piss ends up registering as a 2/10 on the radar of parenthood (bump that up to a 4/10 when your kid eats asparagus or a lot of meat). But that was before potty training. Diapers are obviously designed to keep the piss and shit off of you (save for those nightmarish blow outs the first few months). When you are potty training however, there is a chance your beautiful little child can become a potty bomb at any given moment. Every day your kid is learning how to potty train in underwear, there is an active splash zone around them like Shamu at Sea World. And since it is also something new, they NEVER want to sit down on the potty.

Which leads to the most important act in human behavior: Bribery. Chaps said he potty trained his kids by buying a shit load of toys (no pun intended) from the dollar store and giving them to his kids after they had a successful drop off at the toilet. Show me a parent that doesn’t bribe their kids and I’ll show you a bad parent. In one form or another, bribery basically is the thing that gets us through all the important moments of our lives. From potty training to school to dating to marriage to parenthood to the old folks home.

And as you can tell by the headline of this blog, this is not your father’s podcast about parenting. We delve into a bunch of other weird shit stuff like a pregnant hooker that is going to keep hammering away at the world’s oldest profession as her baby grows inside of her, the secret bond that parents of gingers have, and just how bad of an idea it would be to ban your pregnant wife from using a cell phone when she’s knocked up.