Madison Bumgarner Gave His Wife A Cow As Wedding Gift

NYT – In the off-season, Madison lives with his wife, Ali, a few miles away, across Gunpowder Creek on a 140-acre farm in Dudley Shoals. (As a wedding gift, Madison gave Ali a cow.) He grew up in a log cabin that Kevin built with his own hands. “Here’s the secret to living in a log house: You got to love the color brown,” Kevin said. “But you can hang a picture anywhere.”

Ooooh look at Madison Bumgarner! Such a mans man. Salt of the earth. Did you know he found a rabbit inside a snake and nursed it back to health? Yup he milked the cow that he got for his wife and nursed that rabbit. I’ve got nipples, Bumgarner. Could you milk me?

Fuck Madison Bumgarner. Fuck that half dead rabbit. And fuck the cow he got for his wife. Just fuck all the Bumgarners – the humans, the animals, the cousins that he banged. Fuck all of them. Guy is like Ace Ventura turning his house into a goddam zoo with rabbits and bull calfs running around the joint. I bet you he’s got snakes and ferrets too. Just looks like one of those guys who would have the creep animals.

And really if we’re being honest a cow is a totally shitty gift. I’m sure in the backwoods of North Carolina people cum in their pants if you get them a cow but cmon now. That’s just ridiculous. Cows are trash. Hey honey here’s a 1,200 pound animal for you to take care of! Now we have an endless supply of gross cow milk because apparently it’s like the 1700s and we need to produce our own milk! Goddam Madison McPoyle with some sort cow/milk fetish.

I hope Thor drills this guy and then they just fight on the mound. Winner’s team advances to Chicago.