Lebron Thanked All His Teammates In The Most Backhanded Way Ever In His Parade Speech Yesterday
JR:
Delly:
Kevin Love:
Lebron hopped on the mic yesterday for a solid 20 minutes to speak at the parade. Which he absolutely should have. If Lebron wanted to stand there and read the whole dictionary, he could have. And Cavs fans would have probably gladly listened. But he took that time to go player by player and thank each of them individually. Which was a great idea. One of the biggest knocks on Lebron is how many times he sasy “I” or “me” in his interviews. He finally decided to give everyone their credit…
But FIRST let me make sure the entire city knows exactly all the negative things about you! Let me make sure I list all the ways in which you were criticized. Let me list all of your shortcomings and how its downright shocking you actually did something good!
“JR, everyone said that you were a bad teammate, and would never be a winning player. They said you took bad shots. They said you’re dumb. They said your feet smell. They said you dont know how to read. But you’re a good three point shooter and play good defense. Thank you!”
“Delly – they said you arent good enough to play in the NBA. You’re small, you’re white. You play dirty. Really its a miracle you’re not just living in Australia somewhere doing some shit with kangaroos. You have NO BUSINESS being in the NBA. Also it was super lame that you went to that amusement park and that Hawaiian shirt is ugly. But you’re a champion. Thank you.”
Kevin Love. What can I say about Kevin Love that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan. It looks bombed-out and depleted. They all said I shouldnt have forced that trade. Pretty much everyone alive wishes we had Andrew Wiggins back. We dont like you, and you’re never going to get in our instagram pics. But you played good defense on that one possession in game 7. Thank you.”
I mean it was straight up Michael Scott. Giving you a compliment but shitting on you in the process. It was like Portnoy after Couchella being like “It was so much better than I thought it would be. Cant believe you guys pulled that off. How did you even know how to do that? I didnt think you could do something like that.” Like let me compliment you but make sure I let you know just how much I think you actually suck first. Heres one good thing that you did that might maybe erase the slew of bad things everyone thinks about you! Incredible.
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To be honest though I dont think I even have a problem with it. I mean yea its a dickhead move to talk about all your shortcomings in front of 1.3 million people before getting to the good stuff. But the reason why bums like JR Smith and Dellavadova are NBA champions are 100% because of Lebron James. The reason the Kevin Love trade wont be viewed as a total disaster for the rest of time is because of Lebron James. He put those guys on his back, won a title, and erased a lot of their criticisms. And as far as everyone always complaining about how many times he says “I” or “me” instead of “we” or “us” (looking at you, hockey hardos) – the problem is that all anyone else EVER talks about is Lebron. Its always all Lebron. All the criticisms are directed right at him and him only. He gets all of the blame. Any of the credit always comes with some sort of caveat. If the media and fans want to make everything about Lebron I think he has every right to respond in kind. Defend himself or talk about himself. Especially after winning a title when everyone doubted him, his opponents were calling him a bitch, and everyone wrote them off after they were down 3-1. All I’d have to talk about is my damn self too after all that shit.