Larry King Put On A Twitter Clinic Last Night With #ItsMy2Cents

Larry fucking King. 243 years, working on his 8th wife, and he’s still just doing the damn thing. I think his first show debuted in the late 1890s and now here he is in 2015, seamlessly transitioning to twitter. Unloading every thought his brain has ever had. We’re talking Pop Tarts and turnips and batteries. Humphrey Bogart and the Titanic. His man crush on Jim Morrison and Andy Richter. There’s a reason why Larry King is a legend and its because he knows how to put asses in the seats.

Ever since Larry black balled MailTime I’ve been fascinated by him. For those who dont know the story, Larry was actually supposed to be on my podcast a few months ago. We’re a part of the same network so they set this cross-promotion interview up. I didnt really know what I would talk about with him but the man is a living legend so I said of course. He canceled on us the day of like 2 or 3 times. Just completely cuckholding me. He was courteous enough to make up an excuse each time but in reality it was “I’m not gonna be able to come on your show today because I dont know who you are and dont give a fuck about you.” Completely justified too, but I just kept rescheduling in the hopes that it would actually happen eventually. Finally we get an email from his people saying that he no longer will do anything associated with Barstool because there was a post on Barstool Philly about Larry and Bill Cosby joking around about roofies and I guess Lar didnt like that. So after this little cat and mouse game we did I want to talk to him more than ever. And late night Sunday Twitter dumps only makes me want it more. He’s like the old woman in Billy Madison. “What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks?” And yet I’m fascinated. I’ve got this obsession with an 81 year old man now because he shit all over me. I like Pop Tarts too, Larry! Sometimes I put the batteries in backwards too! Talk to me Larry! Talk to me!