How About That "White Squad" Commercial During The VMAs Last Night?

Last night in the middle of the VMAs this commercial aired. For a brief second I thought I was on shrooms or something. Nobody really said anything about it. I thought I was dabbling a little too much in my latest prescription for pain killers. Only a couple people tweeted me like “You see that White Squad commercial?” Thats the only way I knew it was real.

Now obviously it was some sort of satire. Turns out that it was produced by MTV as some sort of campaign for social awareness and equality and blah blah blah. All that hippie dippie shit. But fuck all that noise because White Squad is one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. The worst part about being a minority is you’re not white. If they could just outsource whiteness for themselves, things would be infinitely easier for them. And not only is White Squad good for the client, its good for the employees. Like I could be an incredible member of White Squad. When you look at me on the whole, I’m the most average white man alive. I have no real discernible skills. If you want to be generous you could say I’m OK at writing some blogs and babbling in front of a mic a few times a week. But if we’re being honest my best trait is that I’m a generic white man. Being a middle class generic white guy is probably the best thing in the world. So if I could some how provide that for other people who need it, I could probably make a fortune. Buy my whiteness, black people! Hey Puerto Ricans! I’ll be white for you!

And then maybe we can start a spin off like Blacksquad.com. I’ll give my twitter login to a black dude and you tweet your funny black twitter stuff under my name. You guys are fucking hilarious on twitter. You could dance for me. I could have really used a Blacksquad member on the dance floor at my wedding. You could go hit on white girls with absolutely no fear for me. Black dudes are incredible when it comes to that. They just roll up to them with zero fear of rejection. You can just be my proxy at the bar. Its not just Black and White Squad either. Asiansquad to do my math homework. Not sure what Indiansquad or Hispanicsquad really bring to the table but I’m sure they can do some shit. We need every sort of “Squad” out there. Take the best every race has to offer.