Chinese Dude Caught Sneaking Into Womens Bathroom To Eat Poop

Death And Taxes – A shopping center in Jiangmen City in China’s Guangdong province is stepping up its security measures after a man was caught sneaking into a women’s restroom and snacking on the delectable lady-droppings within.

According to a report by local new station GDTV (which was translated by Shanghaiist), the avowed turd burgler has been doing this for quite some time. He obtains the smelly treats by scaring away the women before they’ve flushed:

“He goes to the second floor ladies’ room to find [feces] to eat. He usually comes between 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. during the first half of the day, and then comes again at around 3:00 p.m.,” the guard said, adding that the man walks in on women before they’re able to finish flushing the toilet.

One has to wonder why the guard never stopped him, despite being aware of his actions to the point where he knew the man’s schedule. Maybe something’s been lost in translation?

What has not been lost in translation is the bathroom bandit’s penchant for poop, which comes through loud and clear in this interview (viaShanghaiist):

Reporter: What’re you doing here?
Man: Eating shit.
R: What? What’s in your hands?
M: It’s shit.
R: Why would you want to do that?
M: I eat it when I’m hungry.
R: But why do you choose to go to the ladies’ room?
M: It’s more tasty.

Reporter: Isn’t your family worried about you?
Man: They’re all dead.
R: Don’t you know this behavior isn’t good or healthy?
M: I’ve eaten shit for eight years. I feel better after eating it.

The stinky sneak says he’s been doing it for eight years and has no intention of stopping. I always figured eating excrement was bad for you, but he seems like he’s doing okay, at least physically, so it must not be so bad, after all.

Well this is it, folks. This is the one. We’ve been posting weird Asian stories for over a decade now and I think we can finally crown one the definitive winner. The Chinese dude who scares women off the toilet before they can flush to eat their poop. As always with Asian stories, you just have to believe. You have to suspend disbelief. Seems completely unlikely that anybody would eat shit. Seems impossible that he could get to that poop before the toilets flush. Seems COMPLETELY impossible that this many girls are pooping in public. Girls hold it in for HOURS until they get home.

But thats normal girls in Western Culture. All that stuff that makes this seem unlikely are a part of normal culture here on earth. Asians are aliens. All the rules go out the window. The eat dogs. They eat poop. Poop bandit up in this bitch. We need to take everyone in China and blast them to the moon. Go eat each other’s shit in outer space, you aliens.