Chick Offers To Eat A Cop's Ass To Get Out Of Her Arrest

MAY 26--A Louisiana woman is facing a public bribery charge after allegedly making an indecent proposal to the cop who arrested her for pummeling her live-in boyfriend, according to court records. Diane Thomas, 52, was busted earlier this month for punching her beau in the face “multiple times” and scratching him with her fingernails during a confrontation in the couple’s Monroe home. When Thomas was read her Miranda rights by a Monroe Police Department officer, she stated that her boyfriend was a “bitch,” adding that he “got in her face so she beat his ass,” according to a May 16 probable cause affidavit. After Thomas was handcuffed, she told Corporal Chris Ballard that she could not go to jail since she “has a good job.” At that point, Thomas allegedly made Ballard an offer he would refuse. “If you won’t take me to jail I will get on my knees right now,” she reportedly declared. “Officer I will even lick your butt hole.” Already facing a misdemeanor domestic abuse charge, Thomas was then hit with a felony public bribery count for allegedly offering to lick Corporal Ballard. Pictured above, Thomas was subsequently freed on $5000 bond.

And this is what separates cops from the average joe. Sure, they put their life on the line every time they put on that uniform. Yes, without them society would devolve into chaos and anarchy. But what really separates law enforcement from the average shmucks in society is to be able to resist free rim jobs. I mean its not like Diane Thomas is winning any beauty pageants, and I’d be pretty confident in saying like 90% of the population would be able to turn down this offer specifically from her. She looks like that big sassy black security guard from the Wayans Brothers:

But cops probably get this shit all the time from chicks that aren’t 50+ and disgusting. Free blow jobs. Unlimited rim jobs. You know how many drunk and disorderly sluts are tossing around salad tossing as a literal Get Out Of Jail Free Card? Probably a bunch. Definitely a few. And I’ve never claimed to be a hero, so this probably isnt a surprise, but I can confidently tell you I wouldnt be able to resist those offers. Like I can book this drunk 6 out of 10 and do all the paperwork and what not for this arrest, or I can just forget this happened and get my ass licked? No brainer. Bottom line is the men out there resisting “Officer I will even lick your butt hole” offers deserve a medal.

PS – “Officer I will even lick your butt hole” as the direct quote in the arrest record is incredible