A Spurs Fan Is Suing Zaza Pachulia And The Golden State Warriors For Kawhi Leonard’s Injury

ESPN- A “devoted, lifelong” San Antonio Spurs fan has filed a lawsuit naming Zaza Pachulia and the Golden State Warriors as defendants, alleging the center’s actions against Kawhi Leonard in Game 1 “devastated the quality of the Spurs’ chances of being competitive” and diminished “the value of the tickets purchased by plaintiff subsequent to their purchase.”

“All we are asking from the court is that this type of behavior, that can and does cause serious injury to our team and those that love it, not be allowed in San Antonio,” Alfonso Kennard Jr., lead attorney for the plaintiffs, told the San Antonio Express-News. During the Warriors’ win Sunday in the opener of the Western Conference finals, Pachulia rotated over to contest a long 2-pointer by Leonard near the Spurs’ bench, closing out the move under the forward’s feet. Leonard then landed on Pachulia’s foot, further tweaking his already-sprained left ankle. Leonard missed Tuesday’s Game 2 loss and remains questionable for Saturday’s Game 3 at San Antonio. The lawsuit, which was filed in Bexar County district court in Texas and names Juan Vasquez and a local memorabilia store as co-plaintiffs, states Pachulia acted “without excuse or justification, intentionally and maliciously invaded the landing zone of an opposing athlete, Kawhi Leonard.”

The plaintiffs’ demands in the lawsuit also include damages no greater than $73,000, a temporary restraining order issued that requires the defendants restrain the conduct described and other relief the plaintiffs are ruled to be justly entitled to. According to local reports, District Judge Norma Gonzales on Wednesday rejected the request for a 14-day restraining order. “The important part is the temporary injunction,” Kennard said, according to CBS affiliate KENS5, referencing the next potential step of the lawsuit. “It sets the parameters of what parties must abide by pending resolution of the underlying lawsuit.”

First lets meet the two big figures in the case.

Here is the Defendant:
Golden State Warriors v Charlotte Hornets

And here is the Plaintiff:
ezgif-3-c239976ddb

I better use my words very carefully in this blog because I don’t want to pull a KFC (Read: Get us sued). But this has to be the lamest move I have ever seen a fan pull. I mean when you think about it, any of us getting upset because a random group of athletes lost a game is straight up ludicrous. But that’s sports. You let your teams control your emotions so you can take a break and forget how much real life sucks.

However you have to be the biggest LOSER in the world to sue an opposing player for injuring your player, no matter how much you paid for your fucking playoff tickets. Especially for a Spurs fan that has seen his team finish with a winning percentage worse than .573 exactly once since 1990. And that was the season David Robinson was hurt and the Spurs won Tim Duncan in the draft. This Spurs fan is softer than baby shit. And not just any baby shit, but the baby shit that explodes out the side because it’s basically liquid (everyone that has had a newborn is nodding their head slowly at this). This Spurs fan is softer than baby diarrhea and I hate his baby diarrhea guts (had to use diarrhea twice because I was so proud I spelled it right the first time).

Plus it’s not like Zaza pulled some WWE-style foul to injure Kawhi. Was it intentional? Maybe, maybe not. Zaza has a history but everything happened pretty quickly. Can you imagine if Mike Portnoy Esq. was suing the Bad Boy Pistons for every hard foul they committed against the Celtics back in the 80s and early 90s?

Barstool wouldn’t exist because Dave would have been a millionaire before he went to college. No need to build a company brick by brick when you live in a mansion in Nantucket.

And while I hate to bring this video up again, there is no one on the planet that hopes this Spurs fan loses his case more than former Spur (with his number hanging in the rafters of San Antonio) Bruce Bowen. I don’t think we’ve hit the statute of limitations on some of the bullshit he pulled.

Fuck this Spurs fan and the horse he probably rode in on*

*Unless you can get sued for saying something like that. Then this was all a parody blog that was written by KFC.

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