If you watched the game tonight, then you already know what happened. It’s the elephant in the room, so I’m going to address it. If we’re going to keep blowing teams out, we’re going to need our bench to step up. No, not our 6th man. No, not our 7th. I’m talking about the last squad that hit the floor tonight. The walk-ons. Here’s the deal. I know these guys personally. I talk to some of them frequently. One of them—Kanler Coker—lives next door to me, in a room that I used to live in. This is not me talking behind his back. I’ll talk to him tonight after this comes out. I’ll read him these very words. Honestly, this is really just more of just an outline for our discussion later. And just like I will tell him then: We’ve got to do better, and we’ve got to do it fast.
Here’s my real problem. The guys who put on the subpar performance at the end of the game tonight don’t suck. If they sucked, I would leave it alone and be happy we won by 20. But they don’t. To the contrary. When Kanler and I hooped over the summer he only lost to me by a few points. Anyone who has seen what I’m capable of from beyond the arc knows that this by itself proves Kanler as more than a capable athlete. I’m a bad bad man with a basketball in my hands and backboard touching my head.
But back to Kanler. Guy’s a certified baller. I know him through football because he was quarterback with me when I played. He was Coach Fedora’s first ever quarterback recruit at UNC. The only reason he’s not on scholarship in basketball is some NCAA stuff that doesn’t let you do both sports. Point being he’s a freak athlete. Now, tonight Kanler wasn’t guilty of taking any of shots you saw…
However, he was on the court and thereby I hold him guilty by association as well as personally accountable and responsible for everything bad that happened. I know he had a rebound, but I’m not focusing on the positives here. What I really need is for a guy like Kanler Coker to step up and be the kind of fearless leader that those other guys need. If we don’t call for it publicly then all we’re doing is saying that we don’t expect better, and that’s just not true. This is Carolina Basketball. I not only expect better, I expect best. And I need Kanler to step up because now that I have exposed our friendship, I could somehow become entangled in some sort of weird third-party guilty by association rule.
So this is what I want to tell the guys tomorrow via Kanler. Or, if they read this first then they will get it directly. I know y’all aren’t warmed up at the end of the game if you haven’t gotten to play a ton. But as my old quarterback coach used to tell me when I was gracing the sidelines, “It’s not my job to get you loose.” Here’s a pro tip. The get-up-off-your-feet double arm wave to the fans goes a long ways in the world of shoulder and abdomen circulation. Never feel bad about doing what you gotta do to get warm. Take it from a vet. Lastly and most importantly, if you don’t want to make the shot, pass the ball. It’s as simple as that. Everyone knows that the only thing that goes into wetting rogue jumpers is want-to. If you don’t have want-to, we don’t want you. That’s a saying I just made up. Alright. This has went on a little long because I was trying to figure out another way to incorporate how good I am at basketball but I’m drawing a blank. I promise I’m real though.
yo dude do you know Kanler Coker?
What the fuck did I just read?
yo dude do you know Kanler Coker?
what is the point of you exactly? ‘Display name’
What the fuck did I just read?
Your style is weird Caleb but I like it
I am glad you stopped writing those god awful, really strange “letters.” Also wondering what the hell was the point of those.
Kunta Kinte aka Toby
Dixie Man, flying in from no where. Keep it up
What is your life right now?
Your prime was in an RV
You just beat the worst team in the ACC by 20 and you’re gonna complain about a walk on that didn’t even take bad shots? Who is this blog for exactly?
What the fuck was that second shot in that vine? Holy shit, how do you put on a D-1 college uniform with a fucking jumper like that?
WHERE TO GOOOOOOOOOOO
Wake up sheeple!
Someone needs to care for Lois
If she tries to leave it will fuck up her cleavage
what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this website is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
This is what every blogger should be able to do. Instead of telling us how good his team is after every win (Nate) he turns it into a hilarious piece on walk ons. A1
Caleb, I challenge you to a quarterback challenge. Just me, you, and a brand new pigskin. We can even video tape it for content. Dead serious.
A backup player motivator after retiring from being a supervisor-of-morale? You’re on track, man.
Forgot, you lived in an RV too.
Nice stream of consciousness.
Gove it a rest kid. You arnt in college anymore. You’re the old dude trying to pretend you are still a big dick on campus.
@loiseinhorn has made more sense than this blog.
My apologies to @loiseinhorn
You are funny
@loiseinhorn you’ve worn out your welcome
@acdc BC is the worst team in the ACC…
Watch out, Caleb- devonsawa works out with a qb coach!
@loiseinhorn shut yer yap! Yer ticking me off buddy!
Doug gottlieb is a twat
Keep on trucking brother
So why didn’t u play basketball too?
This blog was one big humble brag, and that’s assuming we give a shit that you know a kid who plays garbage time on a D1 basketball team.
Keep it up Caleb. Barstool Carolina
Einhorn is devonsawa. Devonsawa is einhorn
Southern rich white people names, crazier than black people names. Webb Simpson. Kanler.
Cool story brah, can you tell it again!! Please!!
Kanler coker sounds like a made up name that both parents agreed upon when he was conceived
It’s almost as if your development as a writer suffered because your college professors gave all student athletes passing grades instead of furthering their education…weird. With all due respect of course
I think it’s safe to say that this is the most mindless article ever published on the Stool. Do you South.. Do you.
That sucked when read in order.
This guy is high. Promote him
Wow, that was an awful blog.
@connormarr you wish.
Maybe it will come for you next
How attached are you to your skin?
Would it peel easily?
Don’t tell it
Lois would like to find out on its own
dude you’re kind of a terrible blogger
Comments Are Closed
Property of Barstool Sports 2015