Study Shows That Babies Purposely Cry In The Middle Of The Night In Order To Stop The Parents From Having Sex

Daily Mail- A baby bawling at night can strain its parents’ relationship to breaking point. But far from being an unfortunate side effect, researchers claim it is the biological reason for the infant’s crying. Babies are programmed to monopolise their mother’s attention, say Harvard University scientists – and making parents too tired for a romantic night together is a way of preventing the arrival of a new sibling. The report claims breastfeeding at night also extends a mother’s post-birth infertility, known as amenorrhoea.  Author Professor David Haig said: ‘Night waking increases in the second half of the first year of infant life and is more pronounced for breastfed babies.’ He said this suggests waking at night to suckle is an ‘adaptation of infants to extend their mother’s amenorrhoea, thus delaying the birth of a younger sibling and enhancing infant survival’.

Well chalk this up as reason number 1,090,469,939,547 why having kids is the worst possible idea a person can have.  Feitelberg posted the video a couple days ago of the guy looking completely miserable while his daughter listened to shitty cartoon music and beat him with a doll.  That was like watching a real life nightmare.  Guy looked like he was about two seconds away from swan diving off his roof.  And now we’ve got this latest bit of information that babies are the biggest cock blocks in the world.  Purposely crying in the middle of the night so mommy and daddy can’t get busy and blow off the stress of having the first baby.  I’m not surprised because babies are a bunch of ass holes if you ask me.  Honestly, why do people even have kids anymore?  Everything seems so much better without them.  You have more money, more free time, and a lot less crying.  You get to have dreams.  You get to see your friends more.  If on a whim I want to hop on a plane to Vegas and blow all of my money at a black jack table I can.  I couldn’t do that if I had a baby.  I mean I guess I could do that with a baby too but there’s a good chance I’d be visited by some sort of authority figure.  And sure, I guess keeping the human race going is kind of the reason we’re all here but leave that up to other people.  You’re on Facebook.  You see that these little bastards are popping out everywhere.  I’m pretty sure the people I went to high school with have doubled the world’s population just in the last couple months.  The human race is fine.

PS- Is my bitterness towards children directly linked to my inability to get laid/ever have the chance of making a baby?  Maybe.  I’m not a psychiatrist but I wouldn’t rule it out.

Double PS- The only time it was a good idea for two people to have a baby was when my parents had me.  I’m a god damn delight.  And I guess the other times when they had my siblings.  They’re cool.