Ed Sheeran Says He Farts On Stage All The Time And One Time He Accidentally Sharted

E News- As they say, s–t happens. And for Ed Sheeran, this applies in the figurative and literal sense. The British singer recently revealed in an interview that in addition to wowing sold out arenas with his angelic voice, he’s been known to pass gas (and another unfortunate bodily function) while on stage.  During a round of some pretty TMI questions with Australian radio station Nova FM, Sheeran said he farts “all the time” during his concerts and once actually “misjudged a fart on stage, which ended up being a shart.”  Lovely. Sheeran, who also admitted he’s gone at least three days without changing his underwear, went on to explain the embarrassing situation.

Do you see what’s happening here?  What Ed Sheeran is doing with these quotes?  People might think he’s just telling a funny anecdote about what he does on stage. “Oh LOL.  Ed Sheeran farts on stage! Did you read the part where he said he even shit himself on stage once?  Classic Sheeran.  Love that guy.  Fucking love him.”  That’s what people think is happening.  What’s really happening is Ed Sheeran is shoving it in all of our faces that he can get laid no matter what he says or does while the rest of us struggle for table scraps.  It’s self sabotage.  That’s the only explanation for him to look the way he does and tell stories about popping his pants on stage.  It’s a power move.  He’s basically saying, “Watch this.  I’ll look like a soulless red head, talk about how how fill my pants with shit during concerts and I’ll STILL be able to get laid.  Guarantee it.”  And he’s right.  No amount of pants-shitting or soullessness is gonna overcome the fact that he wrote fire jams like Thinking Out Loud and I See Fire.  Hell, girls now will probably want him to shit his pants while he’s sitting on top of their faces.  That’s what happens when you can write awesome love songs.  Girls want you even if you look like Ed Sheeran and continually poop on stage.  Us normal guys can do nothing but tip our hats.  That red head has the world by the balls.

RIP PSH